Love Lessons from Taylor Swift

If you want to know what not to do in relationships and love, look no further than everyone’s favorite country sweetheart, Taylor Swift.

While she may be quirky, cute, and hugely successful in the music industry, she’s not-so-lucky in love and her view of relationships and love could be to blame.

Her lyrics provide a powerful narrative of love stories, gone right or wrong, but her view of love and relationships is dangerous, not “genius”.

In an interview with E! Latin America’s “Coffee Break” last summer, Taylor said, “You only need to think about [love] when it’s bad.” Depressing. Love is supposed to be exciting and invigorating, not sour and painful. We are all human, so there can often be pain in love, but that shouldn’t be the way that we think about love. We should always strive to focus on the good versus the bad.

When it comes to relationships, Taylor is an extremist. She holds a “You’re 100% in or I’m done” mindset, which leaves little room for growth that should come with any relationship. In an interview with Wonderland magazine Taylor commented, “Relationships are like traffic lights. And I just have this theory that I can only exist in a relationship if it’s a green light.” Green means go, and for Taylor, there’s nothing in-between. No relationship is perfect and no human being is perfect. It is impossible for a person to be “on” all of the time, and the same goes for relationships.

She went on to say in an interview with Parade magazine, “I don’t think there’s an option for me to fall in love slowly, or at medium speed. I either do or I don’t. I don’t think it through, really, which is a good and a bad thing. You don’t look before you leap, which is like, ‘Yay, this is awesome! Let’s not think twice!’ And then you’re like, ‘We used to be flying. Now we’re falling. What’s happening?”

This girl needs balance in her life… or an intervention.

Relationships can happen unexpectedly, sure. Sometimes it can be really intense in the beginning, other times it can start out mild and slowly build. It seems like Taylor always pushes strongly at the beginning and doesn’t give the relationship time to develop naturally.

Swift also believes that the more drama you have in a relationship, the better. She told Rolling Stone,

“I am getting to a point where the only love worth being in is the love worth singing about. And kind of mad love. I think that for me, when you experience something that’s worth writing a song about, chances are it’s the same kind of intense feeling that someone else has felt, and it has led them to be sitting on a bedroom floor crying, or walking through a crowded room feeling alone or feeling misunderstood by the person who’s supposed to know them better than anybody else.”

The main problem with this is that life is already full of drama and stress – no relationship should create more stress or permeate suffering. Taylor needs to steer clear of drama and strive for balance in her life and her relationships.

But the most disheartening comments from Taylor about love and relationships came in this month’s Glamour magazine, which pays special attention to women and love as the magazine celebrates its 75th anniversary.

Taylor said, “Silence speaks so much louder than screaming tantrums. Never give anyone an excuse to say that you’re crazy.” Right, because the silent treatment is a really mature way to handle things when you’re upset. As much as Taylor wants the world to think she is wise and mature at the age of 24, she is only 24… and it sounds like she still has a lot to learn about love and life.

She continues to tell the magazine about how she approaches relationships and it all comes down to “game theory” – this relationship is a game “and you need to win.” Swift says, “I think everyone should approach relationships from the perspective of playing it straight and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Until he establishes that this is a game. And if it’s a game, you need to win. The best thing to do is just walk away from the table.” How is anything about this statement “playing it straight”? Taylor needs to stop playing games and start living a life that fosters love instead of repelling it.

Amidst the chaos that is Taylor Swift’s love life, there is a girl who just wants what everyone else wants – to be loved, unconditionally.  There is so much we can all learn from Taylor and her view of love and relationships, but it’s not what the world sees at first glance.

What can we learn from Taylor?

1)    Love is good and beautiful, and we need to remember love in that way. Don’t ever let your broken heart or brokenness darken your view of love.

2)    Breathe. No one is perfect therefore no relationship will be perfect. There will be ups and downs, but even at the darkest moments of a relationship, there is always love – but, you must often choose to love.

3)    Again, breathe. Slow and steady wins the race. Girls, give the guy time to pursue you; and guys, be intentional with the women in your life. And always remember balance; even in marriage, love must balance with life.

4)    Say “no” to drama. You don’t need it. Life naturally brings drama, so keep drama out of your love life.

5)    Love is not a game… love is real life. Whatever you reap, you sow. If you want a chance at love, you need to be honest and intentional.

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5 responses to “Love Lessons from Taylor Swift

  1. With all due respect, I don’t think this article is quite fair to Taylor — and I’m not even a 16-year-old fangirl. 🙂 I don’t think you can really get a comprehensive picture of someone’s worldview from a few soundbites and song lyrics. And there are even a few positive aspects to what she said. Silence is better than tantrums? Walk away if someone’s just trying to play a game with your emotions? Makes sense to me.

  2. I totally agree with Gina’s comment. This is ridiculous. Taking a bunch of quotes out of context means nothing, and it seems to me like the author is just one of those “Taylor-haters”. No, I’m not a 16 year old fan girl either. I’m a mother of four, and I see nothing wrong with Taylor’s world view. She’s young and has a lot to learn. So what? Celebrities like Taylor Swift are definitely not what is wrong with our current culture. Celebrities like Miley Cyrus are the ones I worry about teaching my daughters!

  3. “Love is patient; love is kind.
    Love is not jealous; it does not put on airs; it is not snobbish.
    Love is never rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not prone to anger; neither does it brood over injuries.
    Love does not rejoice in what is wrong but rejoices with the truth.
    There is no limit to love’s forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure.
    Love never fails” (1 Cor 13:4-8).
    Yes, Jackie has hit the nail on the head. Poor Taylor has put all of her love nuts in the basket made of “feelings” and “emotions.” Sadly, as human nature stands now, this basket is skewed and prone to holes. When our feelings get hurt, whether intentionally or not, Taylor’s love drains from the basket. If a misunderstanding arises, don’t work it out; run from those bad feelings. To be successful human love must be a mutual gift; unconditional and relentless, stronger than death.

  4. Thanks for reading, Gina and Haley. First off, I agree with you that Taylor is a better role model for girls than Miley Cyrus/etc. But, I think there is something that we can learn from Taylor, which is deeper than the songs she writes. I wasn’t trying to be harsh, but I thought her interview with Glamour was interesting and then I started researching what she said about love in other interviews. I’m not a love expert, but neither is Taylor. I think there are alot that girls/women can learn from her… because we all do silly things when it comes to love. I think of it like the movie ‘He’s just not that into you’… there is so much we can learn from these stories, because we all have done silly things when it comes to love. I, for one, have made some of the same mistakes that Taylor’s made (including sharing her same mindset in some of the quotes above). But, love is better than that… and we deserve a love that is better than that. Love is a virtue, so it is something that we’re not perfect at, but we’re meant to strive for perfection in it (even though perfection is impossible) 🙂

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