Sat. February 16
One Way to Resurrect Manliness: Everyone, Dress Better!
Can men be men again? The short answer is no. And the reason is that we are not living in the same society that produced the archetype of the manly-man: sacrificing, responsible, honorable.
As Harvey Mansfield pointed out in his amazing 2006 book Manliness we are currently living in a thoroughly radical, unprecedented social experiment defined as the “gender-neutral society,” which is so different from the culture that preceded it that neither female nor male roles, characteristics, and values are the same as they were, say forty or fifty years ago.
How different are things today? Pay attention to this exchange about Manliness between feminist Naomi Wolf who interviewed Mansfield about his book and made no secret of the fact that she was driven “crazy” by much of what the author had to say.
Wolf: Men used to, when they courted women, try to establish that they would be good wage-earners and fathers. [Today,] they are no longer trying to establish that they can protect children. You write a lot about risking your life for an ideal but what would you say about that virtue of protecting the vulnerable?
Mansfield: It would be an advance to admit that women and children need protection.
Mansfield is dead right. Women are not supposed to need the protection, the wages, the care of a man anymore. It is supposed to be a two-way street. Women and men are supposed to earn for their families. Women and men are supposed to do the housework, cook, and take out the garbage. Mothers and fathers are supposed to take care of the kids, shuttle them to all their activities, tuck them in at night. Wives and husbands are supposed to (as a modified version of the old song might go) “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never-ever let you forget you’re a (wo)man.”
It took four decades, the Pill, Roe v. Wade, the ERA, and a whole host of other societal and legal changes to take place for us to get to this moment and if Mansfield is right that there are qualities unique to men that constitute a definition of manliness “that . . . inspires [the male sex] then that’s a real challenge to the gender-neutral society.”
We aren’t going to upend all this change–is it progress?–overnight. So what can we do? Well, how about starting with changing something easy and external to signify a change we want to make internally. The external change won’t make the internal change any easier but it is a first step.
Translation: dress better. And I say this to both women and men. The Wall Street Journal reported recently that some companies have instituted a fun little twist on the normal office uniform of casual attire by instituting “formal Fridays.” The story is cute and as more than one of the quoted employees makes clear, dressing with “grace” also comes with a pinch of irony.
How about cutting the irony? Don’t wait for Friday and just dress properly. Women, stop wearing flip flops, sweatpants, track-suits. Men, same thing, plus get rid of your white sweat socks unless you are working out. If you are going out on a date, if you are going to a movie, if you are going out of the house, at all, for any reason, dress nicely. Women, dress like women, not whores or tweens. Men, dress like manly men, not guys who just got their best-ever score in whatever flavor-of-the-month video game you’re into and couldn’t be bothered to change. And this goes for married adults as well, by the way. There is no reason to wear shorts and a polo shirt to a steak house when taking your wife and kids out for a nice dinner.
Perhaps if more men and women dressed the way they wanted to be perceived (strong, responsible, honorable) rather than the way they actually feel (insecure, unsure, childish), we might get somewhere toward a new understanding of gender roles. So, get yourself a wardrobe that expresses the man you want to be and then go out there and act the part.
Abby W. Schachter is a Pittsburgh-based journalist and blogger. Follow her on twitter.com/abbyschachter
Editor’s note: This piece is part of a symposium in which a variety of writers and thinkers weigh in on the question: “Can men be men again?” See earlier takes by Emily Esfahani Smith, Mark Judge, Ryan Duffy, Mark Tapson, R. J. Moeller, Ben Domenech, a second post by Emily Esfahani Smith, and Anthony Dent. All of the posts are compiled here.
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Reblogged this on Sophia's Voice.
Glad to see a challenge to the silly idea that “change=progress”. We seem to have abandoned successful cultural traditions wholesale because a vocal few were unhappy with a few of its aspects. Men and women are not equal, they are different. Neither is worse or better than the other, they’re different. Feminism promoted empowerment through consequence and attachment-free sex, yet despite the most fervent wishes to the contrary, women will always bear the children.
As our society is discovering in a frightening way – it’s very difficult to raise a well-adjusted, productive human being as a single mother. Yet our culture is practically screaming that at women – You Don’t Need A Man. Before lamenting the loss of positive male role models for children, or the loss of responsible men, or even declining wardrobe standards, perhaps we should consider the seemingly radical idea that men might just be necessary. Necessary not only for the perpetuation of the society, but its progress.
Men are in no position to demand things of women, and you hear no complaints. Can you imagine a symposium on “Can women be women again?” Men can obviously do without women and it’s not men asking where the womanly women have gone. When you devalue men and their contributions to relationships (family law, breakup initiations), it should come as no surprise that men ‘s sense of responsibility will tend to wane.
“It’s very difficult to raise a well-adjusted, productive human being as a single mother.” I did it.
I don’t get the connection between dressing “nicer” and understanding gender roles. Specific to wardrobe, if I were in a pinch and my life was at stake, would I care how the doctor what the doctor was wearing when he saved my life? Then why is it an issue in general. I could care less about who dresses the role, I want someone who can actually play the role. I believe part of a more “enlightened” society is acknowledged that looks don’t mean a darn thing. What’s next? Surgery for everyone to create a better looking society so that we can better understand gender roles?
I’m not really sure I get the author’s point about dress and its effect on gender roles. I get what she’s saying about how dress can affect perceptions about you and even how you act – would you kick back, lounge around, or want to play ping pong in a tux? How would you feel about wearing shorts and a t-shirt while at a formal state dinner?
People tend to act more professionally when dressed accordingly or act more informally when dressed comfortably. Obviously you wouldn’t care how someone was dressed if your life was in danger, but would you want to see your doctor wearing ripped jeans and a dirty shirt when you went in to see them for an exam?
I don’t agree with her idea that people who simply dress for comfort are displaying their insecurities, childishness, or indecisiveness (this strikes me as a quintessentially female approach to wardrobe), but I do agree that dressing a particular way can influence perceptions or personal behavior to some extent. I’m just not sure it applies very well to gender roles.
Yes, I so can’t see the tie-in between a “better” attire and gender roles. And, I also do understand the tendency of some to act according to the attire. As well as i do the “Dress Accordingly” idea. Yet, I’m not on that side of the boat.
Coming from a techy line of work, it is normal in the field for everyone to dress sort of “unique”, so much so that a terrible and careless sense of attire normally belong to the brightest of the bright. Because of so, I really don’t mind how anyone is dress and in what situation. Even if I believe they should be dressed otherwise.
I prefer to concentrate on their knowledge, what they can offer to me. as well as can be offer to society as a whole, than impose a dress code that is ultimately for the sake of other’s comfort.
You are wrong. How we dress reflects not only our self-image but also out respect and consideration for the poor people who have to look at us.
The first Toastmasters meeting I attended in Durham featured one of the tenured officials dressed in shorts and flip-flops. Up North we wore suits.
Were the men up North better men than these? Yes they were.
There is some justice in this prescription. Some. Not an infinite amount.
Jackets as indoor wear, for example, are a holdover from a time before central heating and effective antiperspirants: i.e., they were worn sometimes for warmth, but even more often to conceal perspiration stains. Similarly, the necktie was intended to cinch closed the wearer’s collar, to prevent his body odor from escaping and offending those he’s with.
Dressing neatly, in clean, unstained clothing that’s not in need of repair, is a good idea for everyone. Similarly, it’s best not to expose a lot of flesh to those who share one’s company, consensual intimate encounters excepted. But ukases about always wearing jackets and ties, or never wearing jeans, are simply personal-preference promotions of older practices the reasons for which have long since disappeared.
The tough thing about this is that for Americans, being a dandy is unmannish. So for men, you have a tension between dressing well, and spending too much time on clothing. Plus, there are all sorts of class signals with dress that make it a minefield. Your illustration for example is from an article about a very posh cricket club which administered “how to dress” cards for its patrons, and it’s unrealistic to expect the average joe to wear cravats and three piece suits.
It would be interesting if your writers explored this further. Clothing and masculinity intersect in weird ways.
Decades ago, when women couldn’t really get a job and earn money, they didn’t need to; it was the man’s job, to do that kind of stuff, and it ‘seemed’ to work pretty okay (we’re still alive, in the 21st century). But now, with feminism declaring that a woman “can” do anything, it seems to have changed from “can”, to “have to” , with living expenses being so high.
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‘Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence upon society.’ – Mark Twain
Other than the bare midriff and the guy wearing a fleece jacket, all of the examples on the right are perfectly fine for workplace wear. Truthfully, modern desk work– computer programming, writing, etc., doesn’t lend itself to wearing a suit. A suit is “meeting-wear”.
I think this is a great challenge to both men and women. I believe, however, that if people confronted those emotions of being insecure, unsure, childish, then they would naturally change the outer things about themselves as well. Deal with the deeper issues, so the shallow ones will fall in line.
This is a good tip particularly to those fresh to
the blogosphere. Short but very precise info… Thanks for sharing this one.
A must read post!
For the record, I served in the Marines, scuba dive, ski, fly airplanes, and shoot helpless furry animals for sport. I also wear shorts and sandals to the local steak house. How exactly does this make me less of a man?
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