Fri. February 15
Where Have All the Good Men Gone? Ask the Women, Too.
What also makes pre-adulthood something new is its radical reversal of the sexual hierarchy. Among pre-adults, women are the first sex. They graduate from college in greater numbers (among Americans ages 25 to 34, 34% of women now have a bachelor’s degree but just 27% of men), and they have higher GPAs. As most professors tell it, they also have more confidence and drive. These strengths carry women through their 20s, when they are more likely than men to be in grad school and making strides in the workplace. In a number of cities, they are even out-earning their brothers and boyfriends. Still, for these women, one key question won’t go away: Where have the good men gone?
Once upon a time, there was a war on women, by women, and women lost. This war was called radical feminism, and today we inhabit the wasteland of a post-feminist nightmare. It is a world where manhood is not valued by many and fatherhood is absentee. So men are not men, and women are confused that men, having no models for how to behave, cannot tell the difference between attractive womanhood and common sluttery, or the difference between honorable manliness and unrelenting braggodocio.
Where have all the good men gone? The answer is: they have been snatched up, held onto, eradicated from the marketplace, because they are so few in number. And there will be fewer still, barring a backlash of some kind.
Feminism, properly understood, is not about the granting of power but rather its negation. We no longer teach girls that they control the future, even if men think they control the present, and in so doing concede to men power they once only thought they had–the power to muck about, do nothing, and still find a woman with relative ease later in life after the fun stops.
I remember the first time a woman swore at me, in Manhattan, for holding a door for her according to my Southern instincts, an indictment of old-fashioned manners in a compressed Bronx vowel. It was a jarring moment, and I have never forgotten it. I haven’t stopped holding doors open, but I’ve noticed others have. Men are all overgrown boys, after all (myself most definitely included)–it’s experience in life, the lessons we take from our mistakes and our triumphs, that makes us men. And if no lessons are taken, well, then you end up as Gronk, who has never wanted for female attention. James Taranto, notes that statistically, women are attracted to men who resemble their unique view of power. For today’s woman, Gronk does.
Women now hold on to a ridiculous concept of what they ought to expect of a man. Consider the models described in this Atlantic piece, which sounds more like a job description for a rather dull internship than a thriving and prosperous marital partnership.
Mr. Q executes whatever tiny tasks you assign, without argument—he accepts a stack of envelopes and addresses them, picks up the dry cleaning before noon, is on call for 24/7 emergency carpooling, and, best of all, when handed a grocery list, returns with—get this—that grocery list’s exact items (“not Tropicana carton orange juice but fresh-squeezed Naked Orange Mango”).
If that’s all you want, you’ll get even less. Turn relationships into the equivalent of a work-study course, and you’ll get the same level of fulfillment from them.
If you believe, as I do, that people respond to models, incentives, and the marketplace, this is not very surprising. The dark side of feminism was creating a relationship environment that put relatively little if any qualifications on any man before you take him to bed, and even less after. If young men are ever going to stop treating women like objects and instead like creatures of value, then women have to stop behaving like objects and stop confusing a wicked strut with life-affirming power. That ship has long since sailed.
Lena Dunham’s genius is in recognizing this truth, though she’s hardly the first. I think of Dunham as her generation’s Rachel Wetzsteon, a tragic figure and a brilliant poet, who anticipated much about the movement of the sexes toward this modern collapse. Here is an excerpt from “Love and Work”:
There is an inner motor known as lust
that makes a man of learning walk a mile
to gratify his raging senses, while
the woman he can talk to gathers dust.A chilling vision of the years ahead
invades my thoughts, and widens like a stain:
a barren dance card and a teeming brain,
a crowded bookcase and an empty bed…What if I compromised? I’d stay up late
to hone my elocutionary skills,
and at the crack of dawn I’d swallow pills
to calm my temper and control my weight,but I just can’t. Romantics, so far gone
they think their loves live for wisdom, woo
by growing wiser; when I think of you
I find the nearest lamp and turn it on.
Wetzsteon’s heroic romantic woman doesn’t dumb herself down for the boys or take the pills to get skinny. But she knows this means her dance card may empty. Men may never know that she’s a wonder to talk to–there are women about who are more easy going and less complex. We should expect more of men–we should expect them to know how to tie a tie, change the oil, build a fire, say a prayer, and slap a puck–but not just men. We should expect women to reclaim control of the future, to understand that actions have consequences, and that unless men learn otherwise, they will seek after the lowest common denominator.
So: where have all the good men gone? The women ask the question justifiably. But they should ask it of other women, not just of men.
Editor’s note: This piece is part of a symposium in which a variety of writers and thinkers weigh in on the question: “Can men be men again?” See earlier takes by Emily Esfahani Smith, Mark Judge, Ryan Duffy, Mark Tapson, R. J. Moeller, a second post by Emily Esfahani Smith, Abby Schachter, and Anthony Dent. All of the posts are compiled here.
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Reblogged this on Sophia's Voice.
Could somebody please explain to me why if women lost the war against women, men need to be held to higher standards? Men take the path of least resistance. They used to have to achieve to get laid, and now they don’t. If women held themselves to higher standards they would find the men would step up.
Too easy. First, it’s a problem of the commons. A woman success doing this alone will likely be marginal. Men will simply take the exit and find plenty of other women who demand little to get into bed. The causes of all this are deep, and they started with oral contraceptives, and a host of other tectonic changes that came along as well.
What the article is saying to me is that radical femiinism has in part created the problem. There is a dark side to such radicalism. Women need to be held to the higher standard of nonestremism. If it really is all about just “getting laid” and not the attainment of a higher relationship, though, then the achievement is not for a very lofty goal. But women do need to step up on what they do and expect out of themselves to some degree if they expect better in life, and it is the same for men.
That’s false though, as is the article itself. Japan never had a feminist movement, yet the situation has long been even worse there. Even if women stick together in exercising sexual power “modern alternatives” are too comfortable for men to bother.
@maija
japan also upheld the traditions the whole way…so in feminism in america which did not have alot of tradition anyways the traditions were seen as irrelevant and hurtful to women surprisingly not was the case when the same thing came up for men…hmm..alittle sexist..but basically without tradition people are just confused and selfish. traditions are necessary
And, then there are parents.
Where have the “good” parents gone?
I remember a conversation with a radical feminist theologian in college. It ended with me (rather emotionally) asserting that feminism in the end wanted women to behave in the bad ways men were able, whereas what I wanted was men to adopted some of the right things women had always pursued. It ended the conversation as she had never heard that point of view, and was for once lost for words.
The choice should not be between tradition and modernism. Who would want to chose between joyless duty or failed hedonism? The choice needs to be between right and wrong. As far as the present accepted norms, I’m sure that any system that cannot sustain long term relations has to be wrong.
the trick though with right and wrong though is that it is up for interpretation..but is a worthy goal, i do not think right and wrong can really exist as long as we hold material possessions so high.
Read some Aristotle or Ayn Rand, marcusp. Hell, read some John Rawls, Jesus or Marx, for that matter. Right and wrong are independent of perception and opinion, and exist among human beings ab initio. If you can’t make a decision as to right and wrong, then you abandon the right to be a reasoning human being. You revert to being an animal, driven by instinct at best, and that’s not a good thing.
instincts are what i am referring to. instincts are the best guide than anything else societies views will try to have you believe. societies make the same mistakes over and over again. trying to change what we are which does revert back to animalistic practices. but us as humans have never been as primal as animals. we are not that bad. when we try to make things the way we want most of the time they end in failure. so why not just trust our instincts then all these big words and short term progressed practices that will not last and maybe last a generation or two if they are lucky will not even be necessary to ever happen. just be civil with each other and have dare i say it in america. TRADITIONS. JAPAN never had a movement and the people had hard times but they worked past it and stayed true to their society. ghandi was asked what her thought of western society. he replied” it would be a good idea.” i like what america means and what it is trying but it will fail in its mission if it does not adopt healthy habits. we all came from somewhere else. no one can deny that.
Some of the good men are snatched up by good women and enjoying their lives. Other good men are looking at the extreme paucity of good women, and at the atrocious disaster that awaits them if cupcake decides to divorce him, and abandoning the idea of marriage entirely.
“Good” women have been criminally negligent in allowing man-haters to create a hostile environment in society. And if women with a fondness for a healthy male-female dynamic want to salvage what’s left, they’d better get to work really really fast challenging feminism and reforming marriage laws.
Speaking personally, I am fed up with the self-centered entitlement and solipsism of women and I tell every young man who will listen to abandon women and marriage. There are millions like me, and we are growing.
So women have a choice- they can stand by while the man-haters keep doubling down, or they can pull on their big girl pants and stand up.
Don’t say nobody warned you.
Women do all the things men used to do and feel they no longer need us. However, they no longer do those things women used to do, so we don’t need them, either. Say goodbye to the nuclear family.
Recall that one of the aims of Marxism was the destruction of the family. Feminism is simply one front in the Gramsciist Culture War. Others are the ACLU (religion), the Civil Rights movement and unlimited non-white immigration (ethnic solidarity), Global Warming (economic socialism), and public education (mass indoctrination). There is no problem regarding male dominance, however, as this is hard-wired human social behavior. If women dominate in college and in earning-power, then educationa nand wealth will cease to confer high status. The rule of all societies, human and animal (except hyenas), is that whatever males do is high-status, and whatever females do is low-status. ‘What’ anyone does is irrelevant.
except for having babies, why even pursue a relationship just have the baby and share oh…yeah they dont want to share time with the child..hm…so i guess i should take the take from her completely like it was done to the many men before me as a lesson.. thatis also hurtful to the child and ego of men in other harmful ways. but something needs to change in the basis of how humans react to each other.
Ben Domenech, you’re a sucker who always finds a way to bash men.
Your type is played again and again by females of the feminist and the traditionalist persuasions. Here’s a clue: females aren’t angels and men aren’t devils.
Amen.
Adding to what you wrote, a couple of observations for women, in no particular order.
If you live in BosWash and frequent trending, “in,” locations, you’ll encounter the Beta males who want nothing more than a one night stand. The real men left in that area work blue collar jobs and can be found the neighborhood bar.
You’ll have a good chance of encountering real men in a church. But real church, not religious themed social clubs, like far too many Episcopalian, Church of Christ or United Methodist “congregations.” Try Catholic, Southern Baptist, Assembly of God, Lutheran Church Missouri Synod or even non-denominational Christian. (If your faith and understanding is weak or shaky, don’t worry. You can find a real man who would be happy to help.)
Real men have no time for feminist BS. We consider it a stupid waste of time, and won’t even waste any of ours to argue about. (Pro-tip: When we stop talking/arguing and you think you’ve scored points and won the argument with a real men, you haven’t. We’ve just decided you’re a waste of time so we’re ignoring you.)
There are still a lot of real men out here. A lot of them are single and would be interested in a partner. No feminists need apply. (Get a cat instead.)
its sad i agree with everything you said in this.
TMG, they won’t get the message to stop doubling down. Look at their heros, look at the formers of society…progressives! Even when the country is going bankrupt, they spend more; everything the progressive socialists touch goes blooey! The feminist man haters aren’t capable of cognizant thought; they only “FEEL”!
Continue to warn, sometimes the canary in the mine is listened to.
Steve
Abandon women and marriage?
I understand your frustration. But men who choose to see past that might see that by the way they themselves feel, it doesn’t help to paint women all with the same brush. Abandoning a part of the human race just seems like stereotyping everyone because of some segment of people’s mistakes – an action which men rightly deplore. To me, the answer is not about degrading a group; it is about integration of those who can see eye to eye, discuss what’s wrong, dialogue about misunderstandings, and not just throw their hands up and give up.
So what you’re saying is that… Not All Women Are Like That.
True, but rather pointless as anything other than an academic exercise. The way the culture and, much more importantly, the LAWS are stacked to ruin the married man, it is simply not worth the risk given the limited benefits. The women who ARE like that are numerous, and often wolves in sheep’s clothing who cannot be told apart until after the signature on the dotted line appears. And even if she thinks that she’s really not like that, she can change her mind later and the guy’s SOL.
Moreover, replying “not all women are like that!” to a very candid explanation on what men nowadays face and what choices they have to make reveals a self-centeredness worthy of Narcissus himself, and a sociopathic lack of empathy for men. Far from helping, your response reinforces the observations that led to the genderized abandonment to begin with.
Truth is, men can live pretty well without women, as more and more young guys are discovering these days. In fact, it’s more “fulfilling”, to borrow a word from the feminist playbook, to find one’s own way to define oneself, rather than having our worth and manhood defined by what society expect us to do for others – often to our own detriment. Far from being the patriarchal tool of oppression, men (and, to ther chagrin, women) are finding out that marriage was never such a great deal to begin with, and that the famous fish and bycicles aphorism actually works better the other way around.
In other words…be a girl. integrate…dialogue…discuss…be a girl damn you.
This is not now and it never has been about “degrading a group”. But this is the problem men are facing right now.
Imagine you’ve got a room filled with 1000 of something cute you’d normally want to have around… like stuffed animals, for example. 5-10 of them contain a gold bar. 800-900 of them contain a bomb that’s been gilded, but will explode before you actually get it to a bank. All the rest will explode the minute you pick them up. While it’s certainly a generalization to say that ALL the stuffed animals have bombs in them, insofar as you’ve got, at most, a 1% chance of getting one that isn’t, it’s not a bad heuristic. Bucking the heuristic will very occasionally pay off, but the behavior is not favored. You could almost say that we’re selecting against intentionally creating offspring… but even with the attendant awareness of the danger this poses to humanity, and believe me, the guys participating in the marriage strike usually are VERY aware of it… that doesn’t improve your odds when you pick up that stuffie. And as a fun complicating factor, the PERSONAL risks of not picking one up at all are negligible… in fact, probably negative, and I’ll get to that in a second. Bottom line: Modernity has made romance a strange game. Usually the only way to win is not to play.
The dialogue you’re hoping for presupposes that sane people are common enough that they are able to find each other. They’re not. But even if I granted that you could, I wish you much joy of your philosophical resonance, because you’ll be like two people shouting calls for orderly boarding in a stampede for the lifeboats… lonely, unheard, and in great danger of getting trampled. Social dynamics demand a megaphone, and the people with the loudest ones right now prefer to call for destruction.
And honestly, I think a lot of us have made peace with that now. They don’t like us? Fine. We won’t produce a next generation. Kids were always expensive things to have (remember that negative risk I mentioned?). Lord knows we could use the extra disposable income to survive the world the pin-headed social engineers have wrought. Lord knows the whole exercise of progeny was never exactly done for our own amusement. Let the feminists have a world where gender relations are created to their spec. I’m sure with enough indoctrination, the straggling accidents that make up most of the next generation will be happy to support them. Temporarily.
We’ll all be dead by the time the consequences come home anyway. No need to become cannon fodder in the war by women.
Can men be men again? Yes I am a man.
Feminists tell you I’m a rapist, a child molester, an oppressor, I’m a pig (Jews were “pigs” once as I recall) and that I’m an evolutionary mistake with a broken second X chromosome. I’m disposable, a life support system for a wallet.
Actually, I’m pretty much okay with all of that.
Here’s the real problem: the law.
Married men cannot legally own property in the USA. It can be taken from them, along with their children in a “no fault divorce settlement”. The cause: nothing more than “dissatisfaction” (i.e. not doing the dishes to wifey’s satisfaction after coming home from a hard day at work). There’s no fault, but the man (almost) always pays.
Dating’s no better. I’ve read of cases where a woman claimed that she was raped after having sex after one drink. I’m not sure if the Violence Against Women Act passed, but men can do time for “pushing or shoving” a woman (even if it’s to resist her advances to avoid a false rape charge.)
My advice to all single men. Don’t go on dates, ever. Avoid being alone with a woman under any circumstances. Avoid eye contact and conversation to avoid stalking/harassment complaints. And for the love of God, DON’T GET MARRIED.
I understand that Not All Women Are Like That (TM), however should a “good man” play Russian Roulette with 3 or 4 bullets in the gun?
to quote dr. house “you’re an idiot!”
#1 — community property laws only affect property (land, money, etc) that you acquire after marriage….everything you had before you got married is your separate property…..if you buy land after you marry then why would you think it would be yours (alone) instead of yours (in common with your spouse).
#2 — there is such a thing as a prenup
do not abandon those themes they are important peices of the past..the past will forever remain valid for the sake of our kids..so they get it right and do not get led astray as we have.
Its too late now. What we see happening in Japan will soon spread across the western world. Look at the EU for example. Southern EU used to have the biggest families of all of EU and now they are waning. In the UK up north there are now Sharia Law zones and they are successfully keeping the English police out of said zones. The islamic radicals are moving in and having kids where others aren’t. This is by NO means an attack on the islamic populace but the ones who will KILL those who they believe they must are working their way into the west. That little group of women who decided to attack men obviously did not foresee men actually leaving them to fend for themselves. This is just the beginning. I would strongly advise bracing for the worst.
I was born in the 80s. My radical feminist professors caused these problems, leaving me to wonder at their shortsightedness and scramble for an effective way to turn things around! Maybe instead of telling guys to give up on marriage, you could teach them how to recognize quality women, so they won’t waste time on the b*tches? I can only do so much on my own and would appreciate the help.
A few months ago, I was leaving a book store and a man with a young son was in front of me. The man was teaching his son to be a gentleman. The young boy (maybe 10 years old) held the door open for me under his father’s eye. I smiled at the boy and said “Thank you”. The pride in the father’s eye was wonderful to see.
I never did understand how having good manners and being respectful was “anti-woman”. I never understood why there is anything wrong with a woman being sweet and kind and gracious – I’m all for women getting an education and reaching their full potential, but part of that is reaching their full potential as women, not as faux-men.
I consider myself a feminist in the sense that I think women should have equal rights and responsibilities under the law and I believe all people should be treated with respect and dignity. So I think if a woman is qualified for a particular job, she should be given the same respect and pay as a man would.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that men and women ARE different and trying to make them the same will never work. Little boys are more twitchy, in general, than little girls, so now we diagnose them with ADHD and drug them instead of giving them opportunities to burn off excess energy with physical exercise. Men are, in general, physically stronger and more aggressive than women and women, in general, are more nurturing and empathic than men.
Mutual respect and affection would mean we’d recognize the unique gifts of men as well as women, realize the importance of fathers, provide little boys, as well as little girls, an education that meets their needs, etc.
EXACTLY, ssohara! God bless us all!
A man who will not open a door for a lady, or for a child or an older person is the man who will slam a door on anyone.
So well said!!
That was to ssohara!!
Men, like women, are works in progress. People don’t get “good” all at once. It happens over time . . . or it doesn’t. When we say “I do,” we’re accepting the person we’re marrying as they are at that moment. If not, we’re in for some serious conflict within weeks or days of our wedding day. And if we can’t accept and love the person we’re marrying as they are at that moment, we shouldn’t be marrying him or her in the first place.
From there, people either grow . . . or they don’t. If each partner grows, and both grow together, then their relationship can mature into a real marriage. If one or both does not grow as a person, that marriage is headed toward divorce–or at minimum toward a cold stasis.
One of the biggest mistakes women, and also men, make is thinking it’s their job to fix their partner. Nope. It’s our job to fix ourselves, and our partner’s job to fix him- or herself. At best we can support our partner whenever she or he decides it’s time to turn over a new leaf, and throughout the long, slow process of growth toward fully mature humanity.
And once again, if we can’t love our partner as she or he is right now, warts and all, it would be best to either change our own attitudes or to consider whether this is really the right relationship for us to be in.
I agree. Marriage takes a great degree of faith. It is not to be taken lightly. If each person feels fulfilled in who he or she is, that person can bring a lot more strength to the relationship. Giving becomes the natural action as opposed to dependence.
The “Gronk” link is broken.
The real question is ” where have all the good women gone”. Women today are nothing like their mothers or grandmothers. They have been turned by feminism into something that men do not want.
And let’s not forget that many men and women today are the product of abusive and dysfunctional feminist mothers.
So true, so true. I was raised by a single and emotionally abusive mother. I am now 42 years old. I have never been married nor had children. Call me a loser if you like but I prefer to see myself as part of the larger picture. The demographic collapse caused by feminism. We will reap what we sowed.
I was going to say “we’re right here” but then realized I should say I am a woman like my mother and grandmother. But when I think about most women my age I have to say you’re right. And this is what makes it hard for me to have friends. Most women I meet do not have the same morals & values I have and in the end they ditch me because I don’t live like they do. It’s so hard.
The good women are married by 25. There is also a 30+ late comer group that realizes they wasted their 20′s being stupid and now they can hear their biological clock. Problem is these women are still women and still looking for a male of equal or higher status to their own, which is quite frankly going to be off the market by the time they figure it out.
Not all of us. I had it figured out years ago, I’m just completely unimpressed by the lack of moral clarity exhibited by so many males today. They’re just so… meh.
marriage is not something to rush into..fools rush in. fate has a plan in that kind of thing and even you dont good timing is always vital. how many kids are out there starving adopt one and take good care of it as if it were your own. if you dont mind me asking how old are you? you seem very young and slightly immature, not to offend you or anything.
To any woman that asks “Where have all the good men gone?”, what makes you think you deserve a good man? No, seriously, what makes you so special that cream of the crop males are going to come running to your beck and call?
I’ve got news for you, ladies: the good men are standing right in front of you. They’ve sized you up already, found you to be of disappointing (if not repulsive) quality, and are therefore not wasting their time trying to get your attention or impress you.
“Where are all the good men?” They’re avoiding bad women like you.
enlighten us, pray tell, what makes us so unattractive or replusive that we have failed to size-up to the good man’s ideals?
I think she makes that point in the article, regarding the dark side of feminism.
you should read the flipside of feminism
I’m so glad I’m happily married! I don’t see many women these days that I would even be interested in dating or spending time with. So many women today are selfish, feel entitled, and demanding. So many are used, abused, desperate and damaged. So many are loose, unlovely and unloving. They do not know how to serve and demand to be served. They act irresponsibly with money and act like shopping is a sport. They want stuff over substance. They can tell you all about Hollyweird but can’t quote a bible verse. They are incapable of love, self respect or respecting others. They are crass, rude and abrasive. They think murder of unborn babies is simply a “choice”. Any woman or man that does not know the love of Jesus Christ is unable to understand what true love really is. These people are not marriage material. Until a person knows how much God loves them, and how special they are in God’s eyes, they cannot truly love, value, or respect themselves. Until a person can love and respect God, and themselves, they cannot love or respect another person. So where are the good women and men? They are in a bible believing church.
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“We no longer teach girls that they control the future, even if men think they control the present, and in so doing concede to men power they once only thought they had–the power to muck about, do nothing, and still find a woman with relative ease later in life after the fun stops.”
I’m not sure what this means. Is the author saying that women control the future through childbirth or choice of partner/waiting for the right man? That men think they control the present through being able to do nothing? How is feminism a negation of power if women are asking to be considered as equals?
Both parents contribute role models to their children, but the mother
has the more…humanizing, socializing effect, if she is in fact an adult,
who understands what her society was, and is, and should become,
and trains her children, particularly her daughters, to be members of
that society, and to transmit it to the next generation, with improvements.
It means that a woman’s power is complementary, not similar. It means that a good woman controls the future by being the inspiration for a man to be a better version of himself. That’s true in my life with my wife. She’s not the alpha in the relationship, she’s the motivating force.
I think she means that women’s natural strength is in guiding men (indirectly shaping their behavior by having high standards), and therefore society. As the women go, so goes the culture. Not that I’m blaming women… but I am blaming women, because we have the power to change things, and too many of us (thanks to the radical feminists) are throwing it away in exchange for having “s3x like men” (having s3x like d0uchebags).
Modern feminism is women throwing away their power.
I think I agree with the premise of this post, but it weaves around so much that I’m not sure I understand what the author is getting at. I believe that we (women) are to blame for the men we’ve created. Men learn by reward and punishment, and since we continuously punished all the chivalry, masculinity, and maturity out of them, we can’t really blame them for losing interest in being a “good man.”
I don’t really get the Lena Dunham detour. What exactly does she have to do with this? Whether you like Girls or not, she hasn’t touched on this topic in the show at all. How is she relevant to this conversation?
“Men learn by reward and punishment, and since we continuously punished all the chivalry, masculinity, and maturity out of them, we can’t really blame them for losing interest in being a “good man.”
Exactly. It’s such a simple concept. Why is it so hard for those who write on gender to understand – including the entire cast of writers here?
So you are saying that men are like little dogs, that have to be whipped so they won’t crap in the corner? Men are incapable of taking responsibility for themselves, and have no control over what they become, right?
Don’t be obtuse, Marty. All humans respond to rewards and punishments. That’s the basis of economics and a large part of sociology and psychology.
you are so far off..men are not pets, we respond to a situation in a unique balance of how we feel and what we think..you are comparing men to dogs..congratulations.
We are in part responsible for creating an atmosphere where men have made the choices to react with frustration.
I agree with what you said about the Lena Dunham detour. It think this is the part that seems offensive to the men who read the article. They aren’t left with the message of the first part of the article, but instead the most lasting impression comes from the ending, where it seems that the writer is saying that men aren’t interested in women who think.
Maybe because she reveals (intentionally, one hopes) how utterly lost and moronic modern young can be these days? That’s my guess.
Also: “Men learn by reward and punishment, and since we continuously punished all the chivalry, masculinity, and maturity out of them, we can’t really blame them for losing interest in being a ‘good man.’” EXACTLY.
” I believe that we (women) are to blame for the men we’ve created.” You get it. If you want it to change, tell 15 of your sisters. Get vocal. Renounce and reject the man hating religion of perpetual victim hood and it will change. I’m not interested in your personal definition of what you think feminism is, man hate and perpetual victim hood is it’s core ideology. Every man knows this and by now, you should to.
“Where have all the good men gone?” is the wrong question to be asking. In fact, there are plenty of “good” men everywhere you look — as many as there have ever been. The problem is that feminism has so badly poisoned the water for everybody, men and women both, that people can no longer discern the “good” in each other.
But seriously, the question contains its own answer. And anybody who is intelligent enough to catch the not-so-subtle whiff of anti-male sexism in those words will readily comprehend that answer.
Woe unto them that call good ‘evil’ and evil ‘good’.
I wrote a rebuttal to the end of men article at
http://ricochet.com/member-feed/Rebuttal-To-The-End-of-Men
I am writing another article entitled
The United States of Disparate Impact: How the AAUW and other Civil Rights Grievance Rackets caused the student loan crisis
Women decided they wanted sensitive, fey beta-males and so that’s what we gave them and that’s what they got. Dudes are all about catering to chicks. Always have been. So, there are still good men out there. They’re just now 130 pound wispy amateur guitar players in skinny jeans who raise their voices when finishing every sentence and can’t change a flat tire. They are good guys, surely. And they are men, certainly. And they feel your pain and indulge your demands. So much so that anyone with a deep voice and a truck and a joy of hunting or horses who maybe goes to church or drinks cheap beer and lifts you over his shoulder and changes your oil is a strange, scary, uncultured thing and who probably votes Republican. An animal, basically.
“Dudes are all about catering to chicks. Always have been.” If this were true, no woman would need to file for child support.
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The answer is so obvious that I have to scratch my head in bewilderment as to the question being asked in the first place. Where are they “gone”? Have you checked the the United States military? The assorted academy’s put out plenty of college grads and the regular services instill all the best qualities into the non-officers. It’s the last true refuge where “real” men can actually thrive.
With the feminist assault to feminize the military academies and military service, “they’re working on it.”
Birthed by women. Taught by women. Whaddaya get? Whaddaya expect?
This.
This is what you get; MetroSexual Pansies who piss themselves and want the Big Daddy Government to hold them and make them feel safe.Your out of luck ladies because this is what you thought you wanted and what you got.Ooops.
That’s been happening since the dawn of humanity. It’s our current culture of wah-wah-war-on-women-give-us-free-sh*t-and-don’t-expect-anything-of-us-but-s3x that’s making things worse.
“Where have all the good men gone?”
Easy. They’re out looking for good women.
Some of us have cashed out and left the game.
I’m fully content to never be touched by another human being save for my body being put in a box if I can avoid all this nonsense. I consider myself a Real Man because of this.
TO: All
RE: Where?
Well….
[1] Thanks to feminist teachers few of them are coming out of the vaunted American public education and higher education systems. The potential ones are being drugged and/or mentally ‘battered’ into walking-talking zombies. Not into men.
[2] Thanks to Family [Dissolution] Court, they’re not having anything permanent to do with women would could well ruin their lives and take their children.
So men, especially men-boys, are having their ‘fun’ with desperate women found in ‘meat markets’. And because women have built this anti-family ideal for themselves, their pride won’t let them go back to the tried and true systems of ‘family’ that had worked down through the ages.
In the meantime, feminist women continue to murder their own unborn babies, or if they keep them to term, raise them in a dysfunctional single-parent environment which only results in more failed men and women.
It’s a self-inflicted wound….as we say in the Army
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[Who can find a virtuous woman, her worth is greater than rubies. -- Proverbs 31]
What exactly does the modern woman have to offer? Modern women are playing at being weird ersatz men. Who wants one of those? A family only needs one man, and in my case, I’m it by default. No other men, ersatz or otherwise, need apply.
So the question is, where have all the good women gone? These modern … things … aren’t women.
Women are something which was once widely assumed would be part of the modern world – much like, say, the Jetson’s flying car. And, like flying cars, we’ll just have to muddle by without them.
Too bad, really. We miss them. Civilization misses them, too. They were the major source of great virtues which are lacking today.
Where have all the good men gone? Answer: We married all the good women some time ago.
When a man can’t find a woman, he asks, “What’s wrong with me?” When a woman can’t find a man, she asks, “What’s wrong with men?”
But to answer the question – Where have all the good men gone? They’re at home with their good-women wives or good-women girlfriends.
Is your goal a partner, or a family? Partnerships get made and dissolved all the time. Families are more permanent, and the more committed to them one is, the stronger, and–this is the MOST IMPORTANT THING–more productive they become.
We are heading towards times of great hardship and privation. Things will reset themselves then. Male traits were revered after 9/11. Imagine what things will be like when the economic equivalent of 9/11 happens everywhere, and lasts for years.
Well, a “good” man is a guy who wants to invest in a relationship and a woman. He goes all in: Financially and emotionally. In the very recent past, he would work as many hours as it took, irregardless of the hazards of the job, to support his family. He would die for his woman and his children, literally.
How many women are worth that today? (Would you die for to protect a women who has had 10 sex partners prior to you, and will have 10 more after you? ) How many young men learn those values today? They are about as outdated as a belief in God. And, these good men can be completely screwed over by the law if the wife gets bored with him.
And, ask any good young man. Many, many young women don’t value such attitudes. Let’s face it. The “average” woman today doesn’t deserve the “good” man in the traditional sense. In fact, she doesn’t want one.
exactly, the question for men is, where have all the good women gone? secondly, when a woman defines “good”, it is rarely anything to do with a real man.
So they find a man that will accept their “good man” paradigm, and they will usually find him to be lacking as a “real man” and complain about that to the point of divorce or miserable home life.
Therefore women must relearn what they used to know, choices have consequences and being satisfied and happy with your choices, even if they did not turn out as optimal as you would have wished is a necessary life skill… you can’t abort or divorce your way to happiness regardless of what feminism may teach.
The real question for me is FleshLight, or AutoBlow?
I give you a quote from Denis Leary’s character in THE REF: “Your husband ain’t dead, lady. He’s hiding.”. I was lucky enough to find my dream mate. The others out there are in camo, laying low. Because in many cases solitude and celibacy beats the alternative.
I’m on marriage #3. The first two were unmitigated disasters, for any number of reasons (not the least of which was my parent’s divorce and paucity of positive role models), the culpability shared admittedly by each party. Now I’m married to my blushing bride of 21 years – my true soul mate. When we met, she was running her own business and I mine. We combined our fortunes, but at a certain point, during one of our now infrequent fights about finances, she said, “But I don’t WANT to work!” Aghast, my reply was, “Well, I don’t want to work, EITHER!” That got her attention, and things got better after that.
My experience, and that of those I’ve seen around me, is too often women are looking for a meal ticket and/or a sperm donor, and thus devalue the true good man, who may not make incredible amounts of money, but *would* make a good life partner. I’m dismayed at the cheapness in behavior, manners, and dress of younger – and some older – women, who, when they decry the lack of “good” men, fail to look in a mirror and figure out that if the ride is free, who wants to buy the horse? Concurrent with that is many older, but “good” men, having given all in the divorce court – their children AND their livelihood – are extremely shy of starting over again in love, and then getting the shaft, again. Men have feelings, also. Why go through all that a second, or even third time, unless one is truly brave, or stupid?
And before someone chimes in with a quip about cheapness in male behavior, let me say that there are certainly “bad boys” out there. They are put on a pedestal by the media and sought after by a certain segment of the female population because they have been taught (by whom exactly?) that that is what virility looks like. I agree that the good men are now mostly taken by the *smart* women; either that or they’ve been burned and are VERY cautious, and may have given up looking altogether.
what’s good for the goose is good for the gander….right? perfectly ok to expect your wife to work….as long as she can expect you to change half the diapers, do half the midnight feedings, not only go to half the drs appts but also schedule half of them (just how many immunizations are needed?), help with half the homework, do half the dusting, cooking, grocery shopping,…how bout select, write & mail half the xmas cards, decorate the home, sweeping, moping, cleaning toilets?
of course you could just hire a nanny, cook, chaufer, personal assistant, and maid and split the bill with your working wife….
maybe that would make things equal….but how do you compensate for her bearing children?
Where have all the “Good Men” gone? Right here.
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Funny you should choose to lampoon Gronk. I do too: I always refer to him as The World’s Greatest Man, Rob Gronkowsi.
“The dark side of feminism”? Feminism didn’t change female nature, it revealed it. I and many other men are warning younger men about marriage. Younger men are listening. They see older men getting killed in family court and extorted by wives that aren’t happy. Younger men are doing the math and running as fast as they can away from the relationship shredder.
And men are cheering them on.
Buckle up.
you are warning younger males about women??? instead you should be warning them to appreciate their wives, love them, care for them, understand them, value them….
what men fail to realize is that feminism is a RESPONSE to men……women started out happy to be at a man’s beck and call….we were thrilled to cook, clean, and care for a man….all we wanted was to be appreciated, valued and loved…..after years and years of feeling unappreciated, devalued, and taken advantage of, we woke up once day and asked ourselves, “what’s in it for me?”
The good men are still in their first marriage to a good woman.
The rest are doing the math.
Depending upon whose statistics you believe (US Census Bureau has a lot on divorce):
40-55% of first marriages end in divorce;
50-90% of the time, the woman files for divorce;
60-75% of second marriages end in divorce (depends upon if both are divorced).
Do the math.
A married man has (best case) 1-in-5 and (worst case) 1-in-2 chance of being presented with divorce papers.
Until death do us part? Yeah. Sure.
What part of getting a degree, having a career and constantly competing with men prepare women to be wives and mothers?
I feel sorry for today’s twenty-something men. They have grown up watching their fathers, neighbors, friends and co-workers deal with a divorce.
Did they grow up seeing a model of a healthy marriage?
Do they know anyone that is happily married?
I asked one of the engineering interns why he didn’t plan to get married.
He shrugged. “Nothing to gain, everything to lose.”
I didn’t argue with him.
The numbers are on his side.
All the good men have not gone. A good woman can bring out the best in a man. However, the woman must have respect for herself as well as respect for the man.
Great article. Had a similar experience at work; I held a door open for a female coworker (we are both in our mid-twenties) and she said, “Does my f$%^ing arm look like its broken?” She actually got upset. It’s depressing. I met my wife when she was 22 and I was 23, and I was the first person to ever walk her around a car and open the door for her.
manners are for everyone! why does this have to be a male/female thing? whoever gets to the door first should open it for whoever else is right behind them. if someone opens a door for you, say “thank you.”
if 2 people are walking towards the same door, and 1 person WANTS to open the door as a nice gesture, then hurry up and get there quicker.
i’m saying men complain that women don’t let men be chivalrous….women LOVE romance, we would love for someone to truly WANT to do something nice for us, but don’t expect us to sit around and wait for your call — you want us to be impressed, then do something impressive! LEAD, PLAN, TAKE INITIATIVE
so women can now pretty much do anything for themselves, that just means men need to be more CREATIVE
Expect more of men and they will deliver. My two sons are men and they’ve each found strong women.
Men don’t value what they don’t have to work for.
Oh brother, where to begin? “Men are all overgrown boys, after all (myself most definitely included)–it’s experience in life, the lessons we take from our mistakes and our triumphs, that makes us men.” If you want to be a man, Mr. Domenech, you might stop blaming women for everything you’ve become – guys have been doing that since Eve.
Pull up your socks. Take a little responsibility for yourself. Stop whining. Wipe your nose.
I’m probably old enough to be your mother, Mr. Domenech, and I can tell you it’s not the women who get the short end of the stick down the road – even though they’ve raised the kids by themselves and paid all the bills, as well as held down a career while you’ve played video games in another town, watched porn, and “had fun,” as you call it.
I’ve seen what these men wind up becoming at the end. Lonely, alienated, incapable of intimacy, often rage-filled, and strangers to their children. They grow into *old boys,* and it’s not a pretty sight.
Please get a grip. It’s no one’s fault who you’ve become except your own.
(FWIW, the feminist movement itself was a backlash against a rising postwar divorce rate and the Playboy generation of men. Which came first, chicken or egg? Why do we have to be less than we can be so you can appear big?)
The unreason of this! Why, then, are women cmoplainging about the lack of good men, if they are satisfied with so little? We see in your article that women are demanding harpies who don’t want a romantic partner but a superman PA; but then at the last second your courage fails and you conclude that it’s all men’s fault after all: men want a skinny dumb girl and that’s what the problem is.
Yeah, on that “wicked strut,” I have come to notice that anytime I hear footsteps from behind me – the plickity-plick-plick – of hard leather soles hitting concrete pavement, those steps invariably emanate from the sound of women’s boots… or shoes. Men wear soft shoes now.
If you leave God behind and forget about him all-together, but wonder why the blessing of marriage has avoided you. The blessing that he gave us that isn’t respected anymore. The war of sexes that was made up in the first place to get man and woman attacking each other over nonsense. It’s not where the good men or good women have gone. It’s where is your heart? Driven by the world or driven by God. Do you want Love or money? Do you want faith or good standing among your peers? The love of a good woman can turn a lost man around, the love of a good woman can change everything. But if the heart of that woman knows the Lord as well………she can expect miracles. God should come first and foremost, we can love because he loved us first. We can either accept and honor his blessings our act like we are above all that now. I for one, believe in the miracle that is the Lord God and the life He gave us and all the blessings He pours over us. He is glorious and amazing. I can not pretend for a moment to understand a woman or her heart but I do know He who is I am and he does help me along the way. I am not saying to anyone what to believe I am just stating an opinion and a faith, a faith whose God is….Love.
Thank you for posting this today. I want you to know I’m very encouraged from your words. I want to be more of a godly wife who honors my lord and treats my husband with love and respect. I have struggled with depression and baggage from my parents divorce and haven’t always been the best wife to my husband. Marriage is not easy but, I want to stick it out and not carry on the cycle of divorce. Thanks again, your post has touched my heart today:)
The above post of mine was in response to justabill. I apologize for not clarifiying that in my first post:)
Amazing post. Would you consider a Link Exchange (we both post links to each others blogs) with Common Cents?
http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com
The women of the 60′s and 70′s who grew up within the hate movement that is feminism are now hitting their 40′s. Many of them are single with no prospects, and no children, many are single mothers by their own choice.
The pandemic of spinsters is upon us. Ask me if I care? These women aren’t worth it. Not only that it is dangerous to get married for a man.
“Whats it all about Alfie
Is it just for the moment we live?
Whats it all about when you sort it out, Alfie
Are we meant to take more than we give?
Or, are we meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, Alfie
Then I guess that its wise to be cruel.”
Hal David ‘Alfie’ 1965
Fascinating discussion. As is often the case, the comments after the article are as interesting and enlightening—or even more so—than the well-done column itself. I’m just curious why no one has mentioned the obvious alternative, a culture that is surging throughout the world; that is, Islam. All the evils typified by unhinged feminism in Western culture simply “aren’t a problem” in Islamic culture. True, there’s no chivalry toward women, but feminist insist that chivalry is sexist. It’s also true that there’s none of what we would term “civilization”. But so what? The destruction of western civilization is exactly what the post-modern project has been successfully working toward. Many famous feminists—notably Ti Grace Atkinson—even went to the Shah’s pro-western Iran to agitate for his overthrow. Today Iran is presumably what the feminists wanted. So why not embrace the alternative of Islam? “Just asking.”
Just to clarify, Kmark, you want to throw acid in the face of little girls who want to learn to read? Shoot them on school buses? I’m trying to figure out just what kind of a man you are. “Just asking.”
No, I wouldn’t want to do those things. But why would it be wrong to support the same cultural regime that American feminists agitated for when they marched in Iran to overthrow the pro-Western Shah? Just asking again.
Can’t reply to you on this template, Kmark, but *lots* of people marched against the pro-Western Shah. In fact, back in those days, hardly anyone didn’t. Everybody thought getting rid of the evil snake would bring the New Eden. (And in fact, the human rights abuses under the Shah were unspeakable … just like Libya, Syria…)
I’m glad you clarified. So often when women get out of line there are subtle, sometimes not-so-subtle, jokes and hints about violence. (The violence of our snuff films and pornography is a variant on the same theme.)
It’s important to keep historical perspective, Marty. The Shah was an anti-mullah, sectarian, modernizing, pro-Western monarch. Pure unadulterated radical Islam made up the base of his opposition, combined with communists and other anti-Western factions…such as the radical feminists who preferred the viciousness of Islam for Iranian women to a sectarian monarchy. “Everyone” did NOT march and agitate for the overthrow of the Shah. But “everyone” who was anti-American and anti-Western sure did…including the radical feminists. Their hatred of America and the West overruled any concern they had for the treatment of women under Islam. And the “unspeakable” human rights abuses under the Shah were NOTHING in comparison to those that have followed under the so-called revolutionary Islamic republic, especially with respect to women, who were socially and culturally free under the Shah.
We’ll have to agree to disagree, Kmark. I was around back then (don’t know if you were, too), and I remember the euphoria about what a wonderful new day was going to dawn in Iran. Just like Egypt a year or two ago. “Arab Spring,” “let a thousand flowers bloom,” etc. That’s why I didn’t believe it when it started up in Cairo. I think there’s an enormous amount of naivete about these things in the U.S. You can’t just pull out a dictator and have the good guys take over.
I don’t remember anyone being “for” the Shah, though a few cautious voices warned us it could get worse – and were generally disregarded as old fuddie-duddies.
Fascinating discussion. As is often the case, the comments after the article are as interesting and enlightening—or even more so—than the well-done column itself. I’m just curious why no one has mentioned the obvious alternative, a culture that is surging throughout the world; that is, Islam. All the evils typified by unhinged feminism in Western culture simply “aren’t a problem” in Islamic culture. True, there’s no chivalry toward women, but feminists insist that chivalry is sexist. It’s also true that there’s none of what we would term “civilization”. But so what? The destruction of western civilization is exactly what the post-modern project has been successfully working toward. Many famous feminists—notably Ti Grace Atkinson—even went to the Shah’s pro-western Iran to agitate for his overthrow. Today Iran is presumably what the feminists wanted. So why not embrace the alternative of Islam? Just askin’….
“Among pre-adults, women are the first sex. They graduate from college in greater numbers (among Americans ages 25 to 34, 34% of women now have a bachelor’s degree but just 27% of men), and they have higher GPAs.”
Let them. If they want to go tens of thousands of dollars into debt sitting in a classroom good for them. I learned a trade and am debt free.
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Whoa…well the article had some great points, but a lot of these comments are scary. I could go on about the insanely flawed logic of telling young men to run away from women and marriage and the equally disturbing issue of what qualities many women deem desirable in men these days, but that wouldn’t get anyone anywhere. I just want to know why we’re all so insistent on pointing fingers and finding out the cause of why all this is happening instead of looking to better ourselves. (I think that was the point of this article.) I am nowhere close to perfect and I never will be, but by the grace of God I have managed to avoid falling into a lot of the worldly habits and ideals that are so widely accepted and I do work to hold myself to a particular moral standard that is uncommon for the majority of women. I also know a good number of young men who do the same. Instead of adopting this cynical, judgmental mentality, why not focus on improving ourselves and teaching younger generations in the way we would hope they’d follow? I choose to remain optimistic and have faith that God really does have the best plan for my life. There ARE good men and women out there and it’s our job to help keep that around. Call me naive. I call it living for something greater.
Thank you!!! My sentiments exactly! No one ever wins when playing the Blame Game.
And even more so – why do we keep comparing current Men & Women to those of the past, like they were all perfect Angels who never did any wrong? Feminism started because of the insane inequality of these so-called “good ‘ole days.” And there were whores, harlots, and prostitutes then too. Stop playing fantasy. This isn’t the “Good ‘Ole Days,” and such a period never existed. Where have all the good PEOPLE gone?
You’re naive….
Well, you *said* to call you naive.
Haha…touche, good citizen. Well played.
“I could go on about the insanely flawed logic of telling young men to run away from women and marriage…”
So do it. The logic of men avoiding women for all the legal reasons is bulletproof as far as I can see. I’m convinced that it will become increasingly obvious that relationships between men and women in our society is truly finished. (and our society with it.)
I’m despondent about it, and I desperately long for a challenge to “the insanely flawed logic”.
I’m being completely sincere.
I remember it used to be said that sex was the price women paid for marriage, and marriage was the price men paid for sex.
Except now it seems you can go to just about any pub or club, walk out with a girl who’s just as happy with a one-night stand as any man used to be, and get the benefits without the costs. Which sums up just about everything wrong with modern society.
People who know me know I have no time for most of the frills of “modern” society so don’t get surprised when I am disinterested in feminist ideals. I wonder if inclination to look to myself for answers rather than Nanny State makes me one of those elusive “real men” even if I don’t always feel that way.
I heard it put “men don’t pay for sex, they pay for the woman to go away”
there are plenty of women out there that say they are happy with just sex…..but for the most part, they are just pretending (either conciously or sub-conciously) bottom line they really want a relationship, they just don’t know how to go about it….they think if they give it away or act aloof, that will increase their chances with men…but they have been deceived.
the answer is not avoid marriage, but fix it…and going back to the way it was isn’t fixing it.
Renounce the religion of man hate and perpetual victim hood, that is what is to blame. Demand that laws be changed that are discriminatory against men.Teach girls to be Ladies. Unless and until large numbers of women do so, expect it to get worse.
Quite frankly, it simply is not worth rifling through all of the garbage to find the one rare pearl anymore. I certainly wouldn’t do it.
Exactly. A strong work ethic and good moral beliefs have been replaced with the ideas of pleasure and entitlement. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out a way to expand on this without it sounding like a rant, but I think this alone speaks volumes in of itself.
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Mr. Domenech writes about the first time he was sworn at by a woman in Manhattan for holding a door. I too have endured that pain under those precise conditions. Unlike Mr. Domenech, however, I cannot say that my Southern instincts were to blame. I was born in 1957, thirty-five miles away from New York City in a suburb of northern New Jersey. I grew up with broadcast television: channels 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13.
Until I was able to drive at the age of 18, I probably saw a total of three movies at the cinema, two of which were memorable: Grand Prix and Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines. With regards to pop culture, I know it sounds peculiar but I preferred listening to Tommy Dorsey more than The Doors. I identified with my grandparents generation. I idolized Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable, James Stewart, Henry Fonda, and Roy Rogers.
When the time came for this young lad to venture into the world, I was devastated to learn that everything I learned from the masters was now defunct. In defense I chose to focus my efforts on building a career, and by the age of 36, thankfully, I found a woman who, like me, idolized her grandparents generation. We are now going on 20 years of marriage, surpassing our parents (saying it smugly).
(I posted this on another article from the symposium, but it is more appropriate here…)
I remember once reading a comment about about Jane Austin and her enduring popularity with modern readers. One response that seems to come up over and over again is “where are the Mr. Darcy’s of today?” Yet if one looks at the world in which we live and compare it to that depicted in novels like pride and Prejudice, it becomes clear that the values of chivalry which Ms. Esfahani-Smith values so highly are impossible to the modern world. There can be no Mr. Darcy with an Elizabeth Bennet, no Mr. Knightly without Emma Woodhouse. The one reinforces the other, they draw forth the better sides of both their natures.
In other words, there can be no chivalrous men if there are no women worthy of being chivalrous towards. And such women are very light on the ground nowadays. As a young(ish) man reading the article above, I can only find myself asking, “Chivalry? Why? What’s in it for me?” And the answer to that is “nothing at all.”
Social codes are a mix of both expectations and rewards, with the latter being granted for meeting the former. In the Good Old Days the rewards for being a mensch were pretty straightforward – respect from society, a wife and family that, come good or bad, would likely stay by you…and yes, the prospect of sex on a semi-regular basis. But nowadays, what can a man who adheres to this code expect to receive? Not respect or a family…quite the opposite. Any man who displays those old virtues will be seen as a sap, a sucker, just waiting for the day when cupcake gets bored with the marriage, cheat on him with the bad boy at the local bar and runs off with the kids, the house and half his worldly wealth. As for sex…ever heard of Internet pornography?
And for all this, thank the harpies of the feminist movement. Any attempt to restore respect and honor in the relationship between the sexes has to start with an honest acceptance of the differences between the genders, and that is something the femmies will never accept…unless it means they can proclaim the End of Men (thanks Hanna Rosin) or that Men Are No Longer Necessary (Maureen Dowd, bless her withered heart!) or every bilious exhalation by Marcotte, Valenti and their ilk. According to these ladies (and I use the term very loosely) Chivalry amounts to “soft sexism…” or some other nonsensical term that only an academic could have come up with. In other words, by holding a door open for a woman, a man is oppressing her. Glad to clear that up.
It’s no surprise that fellows like Roissy, Roosh, the brave souls at A Voice For Men and other manosphere sites are seeing an increase in business. They speak to modern men about the world they actually live in, in words that are plainly understood. And they make it clear that chivalry is a suckers bet, and when it comes to the “fairer” sex, the best response is unremitting suspicion unless proven otherwise.
Jim, Instead of blaming harpies, why don’t you take a little responsibility for yourself? “What’s in it for me?” you ask. That’s a question that didn’t occur to Mr. Darcy. So clearly you will only engage in behavior if there is some personal payoff. You are not motivated by duty, personal standards, integrity, honor – it’s all for the payoff.
That is who you are. You have to decide if that’s who you want to be. Harpies and other villains have nothing to do with it. It’s your life. It’s your show.
Now *there’s* an interesting conflation: In the face of unremitting hostility and hatred from feminist leaders—from Maureen “Are Men Necessary” Dowd; to Hanna “The End of Men” Rosin; to Susan “Rape is a crime committed by all men against all women” Brownmilller—Marty tells a suspicious man “you’re the problem.” Talk about feminist double-talk! They want to have their cake and be able bash it with a baseball bat too.
It’s also helpful to recall that Jane Austin’s works are FICTION.
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Kmarks, no, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m not trying to solve society’s screw-up. I’m just saying that the only life you’ve got is your own. Take responsibility for it. You can’t make “all women” this, or “all men” that, but you *can* take charge of your own life. I’m approaching the end of my life, and I think that whining about women (or men) won’t get you very far. Yes, you might get the shaft from a woman (or man), but you have 100% control in how you respond to it. That’s all.
All along this long thread, there are men saying, “I solved my problem. I found a great woman and we’ve been married 20 years.” Or, “The good men found a good woman. I’m one of them”
All you need is one. You don’t need to solve the problems of millions. And the best way to attract one is … to be a great guy. No guarantees, but at least you’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning.
Be a great guy…right. I’ve known plenty of “great guys…” who ended by being very poor guys once the divorce lawyers had done their work. All the fellas on the Duke lacross team were “great guys…’ didn’t stop the feminist mob from screaming for their blood.
to paraphrase Voltaire, men will never be free until the last leftist politician has been strangled with the guts o the last Woman’s studies professor. Until then, men owe nothing to women,
Hey, I didn’t get a dime of child support. I still try to be a “great guy” – or a great guyette. I raised a child alone, and tried to be an emotional support to a raft of abandoned teenage stepsons. My daughter is a gem, and my stepsons fine, upstanding citizens.
It’s the proudest achievement of my life – a life that has not been short of achievements. And I’ve been worked to the bone.
I can do a lot of blaming on the failure of guys in our culture – but no one held a gun to my head and made me get married. A lot of my friends lived in the same society I did – yet married good men and are in a stable situation. So why not take responsibility for my choices?
You can talk about the lacrosse team, you can talk about lawyers and people across the country. But in the end, it’s *your life.* You can write a better script for yourself. Doesn’t mean you’ll be rich, doesn’t mean you’ll get the beauty queen, doesn’t even mean a happy ending. But you can be a mighty fine person.
Col. Fitzwilliam in his letter to Lizzie reveals that Mr. Darcy is a mop-and-bucket kind of guy. His father dies when he’s relatively young, and he picks up the burden. His beloved sister tries to run off with a rake, and he sorts it out. He falls in love with the woman of his dreams – and she has a family that promises to be a constant embarrassment and a drain on his resources. Yet he shoulders it without complaint – and bails out the beloved’s sister when *she* runs off with the rake.
He does it even when people are reviling him and lying about him and blaming him.
That’s what a real man is. And you know what? That’s what a real woman is, too.
Well…I applaud your idealism and sense of charity. But I don’t find your argument convincing.
To address the first point of your reply – yes, it is my life. Everyone, man or woman, is responsible for the choices we make and the consequences of those choices. However we do not exist as solitary individuals but as members of society. And it is social pressure and reality which shape our decisions. And over the last few decades that reality has been dominated by cultural elites who by and large support feminist ideology, either because they actually believe it in or for reasons of pure cynicism (the Hollywood star who makes PSA’a about domestic violence, then gets arrested beating up a prostitute…) And the reality they espouse is one which is marked by considerable hostility towards men, and which encourages women to abandon self-restraint and to embrace their worst instincts. Men who adhere to the old codes of chivalry, manliness and so on may be worthy of praise, but they also leave themselves vulnerable to attack. At the very least they leave themselves open to ridicule. At the worst they may face of sexism (after all, chivalry is based on an acknowledgment of difference between the genders, which is anathema to our elites, and those who violate this can face fines, loss of employment and reduced prospect of future employment) or divorce. After all, a man may marry and do his best to be a stand-up guy, but his marriage will exist in a society which tells everyone, and women especially, that anything which does not make you happy is to be discarded. Once a marriage becomes inconvenient or boring, once she no longer feels the tingles or sparks, what’s to keep her from running off?
In this situation, a man choosing to be selfish and suspicious and to look out for himself alone is only making a rational choice. To be suspicious of women is a rational choice, since he will know many men (and more than likely be related to them) whose lives have been negatively affected by relationships gone sour. Our society places no restraints on female capriciousness, it is only fitting that men be as capricious. Shaming tactics like telling men to “man up” or to be “real men” don’t really work. We’ve seen what happens to real men. They end up as broken men more often than not.
So yes, it is my life. But that life is affected by the society in which I exist. And that society places no value on being a “real man.”
As for your point about Mr Darcy from Prde and Prejudice…I chose that example to make a point, Yes, Darcy is married to the woman of his dreams. yes, he has to put up with the Bennett family as a consequence, as well as sort out the mess created by Lydia and Wickham. But if you look at the broader society in which this takes place, his actions are not all that remarkable. In fact they are very much what was expected from men of a certain class and standing, and by fulfilling those duties he rewarded with standing in his community and amongst his peers (along with the joys of family life.) Darcy may find his in-laws insufferable, and he may in time tire of his marriage to Elizabeth, but he would never dream of abandoning her and following his own desires, or if he did, he would never go through with it, because he would face severe consequences: condemnation from society (or at least the genteel parts of it…) the scorn of his peers and a ruined reputation (which in those days was a serious problem that had economic and even legal consequences…) Similarly Elizabeth may one day tire of Darcy. Maybe motherhood wears on her. Maybe she grows nostalgic for the days of her youth, maybe her husbands charms fade after years of marriage. But she will will stay by his side because it is what society expects, and and by fulfilling her duty in this regard, she will be rewarded with status and respect. If does leave, she faces severe consequences: expulsion from society, disowned by her family, and reduction to the status of outcast.
In other words, their virtue reinforces each other in large part because the rules of society make it so, rewarding compliance and punishing deviance. Take away those rules and nine times out of ten it will fall apart. Which is what we have today.
Agreed, Jim. So what’s your plan? You’re not going to change society and decades of programming. What are you going to do to make your *own* life fulfilling and joyful?
“Agreed, Jim. So what’s your plan? You’re not going to change society and decades of programming. What are you going to do to make your *own* life fulfilling and joyful?”
My plan? Simple.
Sit back, relax, crack open a bottle of wine and enjoy the slide. I can’rt stop the house from burning, so I might as well enjoy the show!
Men and women have both fallen guilty. They have both lost the ability to compliment each others’ attributes and instead compete with them. Radical feminists have turned men into boys and passive men have turned women into hardened bitter creatures. To find the medium of completing each other we must seek out the strengths in each other, not the shortcomings. Great article!
All the good women want nothing to do with a plagiarist.
Yes, more women are graduating from college. With increasingly more useless degrees. Women enter the service/corporate workforce which contributes nothing to society at large except fattening the pockets of CEOs who are paying out less and less of their earnings to the economy, hence the recession and soon to be depression.
Look at the essential jobs, the jobs that keep the country running. The truckers, the train engineers, the water plant workers, the construction workers, the factory workers, the plumbers and electricians and welders; in short the traditional blue collar job market. Whom are the majority of people doing that work? Men. Women could leave their jobs en masse tomorrow and the biggest effect would be on the service industry and corporations. If men left their jobs, the country would stop functioning. Women screamed about equality in the workplace, never mind that they’ve been getting paid the same since the 70s, but they refuse to spread themselves out amongst that workforce. Go into an office and it’s more then like that 80% of the people in there are wearing a skirt. Go into a garage, a farmer’s shop, a construction site and tell me how many women you see working there – excluding the one’s sitting at a desk playing solitaire (though mostly like perusing their Facebook) on their computer.
Women get higher grades and education, but they’re coasting. Professors, TAs, every one on staff at the universities always favour women over men. Women can hand in their work later with fewer penalties, they’re not scolded into attending class and money of them outright sleep with their professors and TAs to achieve better grades. Men do not have that option. Talk to a man, even a high school drop out, about a random subject and you’ll probably have an interesting or at the very least informative conversation. Talk to a woman with a Bachelors about anything, even if it’s her Major, and you’ll feel your IQ dropping. Women graduate with degrees but without having learnt anything. Then they go onto middle management, paper pushing jobs that don’t benefit the country one bit.
We men can do it all nowadays. We can cook better, we can clean better, we can raise children better. We don’t need women for anything any more, and quite frankly the only thing the modern western woman is good for, sex, is so easy to get that even men in their 40s have no trouble picking up young, dumb women since female’s self respect has gone the way of the Dodo.
The most eligible bachelors I know; guys who have phenomenal jobs that pay well and don’t send them off for days or weeks, who are in great shape, who are intelligent, who are good looking and can cook and entertain and do house work and chores like nobody’s business – in short, the good men – want absolutely nothing to do with women their age. One of them is 23 and still a virgin, first for the reason that he wanted to wait until he was an adult to lose it and then having learned as an adult that the average 19 year old girl has already had 5 different sexual partners and more then likely has at least 1 STD. He is terrified of having his heart broken by today’s modern woman, and it’s probable that he will meet his future wife in South East Asia on our planned trip through there this coming summer.
The good men do not want unskilled, slutty, uninteresting women who can’t or aren’t willing to cook or clean or just give them a hug on a bad day without having to bend over backwards and kiss their ass first to get it. They do not want partners. They want wives, women who have self respect, who are willing to love them and stand by through thick and thin, who will love and raise their kids with the same love they shower upon themselves. There’s too many horror stories we men experience and share amongst each other regarding today’s modern woman. There’s too much take from these pampered princesses.
Has there ever, in western history, been such a large movement of men who are abandoning women and marriage? Of men who are actually leaving their countries to go seek the women of other culture just so they can have a fearless marriage? No. In fact it’s so endemic that they’re passing laws, under the guise of protecting so called mail ordered brides, but it’s not stemming the tide. And it’s not men’s fault. It’s women’s. This is what you fought for ladies. This is what you wanted. You wanted equality, then you reached it and pushed out ahead to bend society to your knee. The courts favour women, schools favour women, workplaces favour women. We men don’t.
You all aren’t in your teens and 20s forever ladies, and if you live like a shameless harlot through ‘em don’t expect a good man waiting for you at the end of your pathetic road. We’re already seeing those ‘quirky’, liberated women of the 90s and 80s rolling over into their late 30s and 40s. Talk to one of them and ask how their liberated life is going. Maybe you can beat out your sisters and find out which brand of cat keeps the best company.
Valid points…but the major issue is that you’re lumping all women into one giant, slutty, lazy, gold-digging category. That would be like me saying I’m going to another country to find a man because all the men here only want two things from me: sex and sandwiches. (Not that there’s anything wrong with either of those in the proper context, but…you get what I’m saying.) I’m 22 and haven’t had a boyfriend because I have yet to find one who respects the fact that I’m waiting until I’m married to have sex (among other reasons, I’m sure). HOWEVER, I’m not going to lump all men into that category. A little faith in even the tiniest portion of womankind wouldn’t kill you.
Also, please don’t take the good men to other countries. You are severely depleting my chances of ever meeting one who is single and actually enjoys my painfully dry sense of humor. Ok thanks. I think that’s it. Carry on.
Unfortunately, you will probably be a victim of the religion of man hate and perpetual victim hood. As men cannot have faith that you are ‘not like all the rest’. Yo are a member of the ‘protected’ class and it’s too risky to chance it. Women, the ball is in your court, change it. Scream about the discrimination of men and the blatant misandry. f you do not, then you are accomplices in it. Which is another reason why you won’t find the ‘good’ guys. Sitting on your ass and paying lip service to a guy isn’t nearly enough.
You are so right.
In 1990, I asked a Mechanical Engineering professor for help with a complicated homework problem. He told me I was an idiot, I should pay attention in class, he would condescend to show me, did so quickly and perfunctorily, and literally chased me out of his office — during his office hours. Then a female walked in, and he started (literally) cooing at her, practically going down on his knees.
In 1994, in Navy training, I went to the trouble of seeking out an instructor and scheduling a time for extra help. A woman asked to join us and hijacked the session with loads of makeup, flirty soft-and-cuddly behavior, and the instructor snapped my head off and chased me out of the room so he could flirt with her better.
I have lots of stories like that. Nobody better tell me that women aren’t favored. They ARE. And if they aren’t, they consider it shocking anti-woman discrimination.
“Where have all the good men gone?” What nonsense. A parish Young Adult group I know is full of good single men; two generations ago, they would have been considered a “catch,” today, they are rejected, often harshly, by the women in the group. However, the dirtbags and sex fiends have no trouble at all getting a date.
too funny…..at our church i know a bunch of great young gals….they love god, they are educated, have great personalities, and take care of themselves….
guess who the guys go after? the girl with the stripper shoes….
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I realize her intended audience consists of other women anyway, but it’s always been difficult for me to take Hymowitz’s scolding too seriously when her salient economic data are taken mostly from movie plots and sitcoms.
The reason that “men” have disappeared almost completely, is because the “family” has disappeared. How can a man be trained up to be a man, when the boy’s father is absent completely, or too busy making the big bucks to teach the boy how to be a man. And the mother is too busy in the feminist world that she no longer treats her husband as a “man” and so the son doesn’t learn to be what a women needs, wants, and expects. Women expect a man to be a “man” but as mothers, are unwilling to help teach the son what he needs to know to become a “man”. The blame can be laid at the feet of the feminists. As was said by someone years ago, women wanted equality so they stepped off their pedestle where men had looked up and honored them. And then they they made it easy for men to get what they wanted without any consequences – so now we have a generation of fatherless children. So many women are so desparate to get a man’s love (they mistake love for sex) that they give in and then have to live with the consequence and wonder why the guy doesn’t stay in the ‘relationship.’ Why should he when he can ‘get it for free’?
How true, Dixie. Thank you.
The 1950s definition of “men” as “breadwinners” has failed horribly, as has the nuclear family. First, the “Great Society” of the 1960s made clear that lower class men were useless by this standard, since the government’s check printer could do a better job as breadwinner than they could. Then feminism, creature of the corporation, did its job of creating a permanent labor surplus and ruin for working people.
Everybody has doubts about his or her worth, and MAN=USELESS PERSON has been pounded into the heads of all our young people, male and female. The end result can be viewed in the Black community. Women need to over-correct, make themselves small, abandon hope of prosperity, and be willing to accept extended family help and husbands who, though incapable of making ends meet, are faithful and devoted to their children.
WTF? am i reading you right? you think women should do all those things? make themselves small & accept a man that is less than all he could be? seriously? that’s the problem with men, instead of getting inspired to be better, work harder, market themselves more, step up and LEAD……nope, they just give up. maybe in the olden days that crap would have passed for a fulfilling relationship and life …well guess what, women are now in a position to not settle — we don’t have to because we can provide for ouselves, work, buy our own homes and yes, even go out for a 1 night stand if we want to……that doesn’t mean we don’t need men anymore, just that we don’t need them to provide for us or take care of us….
what we do need is a man that WANTS to provide for us, WANTS to take care of us, WANTS to love us, not because he has to or because we can’t do it for ourselves, but because he WANTS to.
plain and simple that is what women want.
Reblogged this on luluslines.
AMEN TO NESHOBANAKNI!! AND TO SOME OF THE OTHER COMMENTS!!
***Of course,…there are still ‘LADIES’ like me…who has it all…except an ‘honest’ Christian gentleman…to share it with through marriage! However, I know in my ‘heart’, that God is working through HIS POWER toward ‘an everlasting friendship’ bonded in ‘pure’ love…in my future….and also for those who are willing to be ‘transformed’!
Men and women both desire that ‘perfect’ unity of peace, that only comes through the ‘deliverance’ of ‘carnal’ and ‘human weakness’ distributed in the ‘wrong places, people, and things’…Do agree that we all need ‘refreshed’ on the topics of ‘decency’, respect, honor, and ‘class’…..Each of us have many ‘gifts’ that were bestowed through our Creator at birth, which HIS DIVINE DESIRE was that we use them for His Glory…….Not our own!!
God Bless all who are ‘living’ in the ‘Truth’, that frees ‘bondage’ of any kind…the most ‘purist’ life on this earth, that a person can act upon…receiving the many ‘Blessings’ that God is ‘offering’ freely to everyone, who comes in HIS NAME!………..Karen Rose.
This reply is directed to “SomeGuy” from whom I received five email notifications in rapid succession. (Me thinks that WordPress or my internet provider is at fault. I cannot imagine that Mr. Guy typed so fast!)
I understand your frustration. It took me until the age of 36 to find my match.
If I might, may I suggest an alternative to “FleshLight” and “AutoBlow”? Learn a foreign language or two. Learn about other cultures. Not only will American women find you more interesting but you may meet someone outside the U.S. who is perfect for you.
I decided to learn Japanese after discovering that I really liked movies from Japan (thank you, Netflix!) I discovered that I was building a small but usable vocabulary by listening to spoken Japanese but reading English subtitles. After six months I decided to enroll in a Japanese language institute in Manhattan (a short 40 minute train ride for me.) After just 12 hours of classroom instruction time, I was speaking enough Japanese to be understood.
One day I was having my car serviced. While in the waiting room I heard a cellphone ring and then saw a man dashing outside to answer it. I heard him say “Moshi, Moshi”. That is Japanese for “Hello”. I was thrilled yet nervous. When he returned I approached him with my textbook in hand (“Minna no Nihongo” translates to “Everyone’s Japanese”). I introduced myself “Hajimemashita, Brian desu.” You should have seen his eyes light up! Fortunately for me he spoke English fluently, so I was off the hook for the remainder of our conversation.
My best friend is fluent in English and German. His parents are British and German. He grew up in West Germany, and witnessed first hand the tearing down of the Berlin wall! Out of boredom one summer he and his friends decided to travel to South Korea. There he met his future wife. Now married with three great kids they all speak English, German, and Korean fluently. My friend’s wife is the most wonderful woman you could meet!
Dreams do come true for those who reach outside their comfort zone.
Good Luck!
That bit in the original post was interesting to me, the “I remember the first time a woman swore at me” part. I have experienced similar irritation even from women who closely share my beliefs. However it’s not about “a man holding the door for a woman” I was raised to hold the door for anyone not just women, the men just don’t notice lol. But I was raised to be a good man as were my parents and their parents before them. So where have the good men gone? The answer is they left their roots and became the typical man, or they failed to train their own children who grew up to follow what they were taught. Men and women are equally at fault here. Is it risky to marry? Yes, but only a fool says it isn’t worth the risk. Being single is fine, but using that reason is letting fear and emotion take over and run rampant. A little wisdom goes a long way in finding your spouse, my parents have been married almost 25 years, and my grandparents well over 50. I even caught my grandparents flirting with each other (try getting THAT disturbing image out of your head lol) my point is even after over half a century they are still fully in love not because they got lucky, but through hard work and faith in each other and God. Their perseverance is rewarded every single day of their lives. And two generations later I am still reaping the benefits. Yes there are bad marriages, someone made the picture of stuffed animals with bombs or gold? It’s more like having that situation with gold in all of them WITH the bombs, but also having the directions to diffuse the bombs (seen in the marriages around us that are solidly proven through years of love) I haven’t found anyone yet but I’m going to keep looking and when I find the right one I will latch on and never let her go as I know she is going to do the same.
I am a lifelong diehard Patriots fan and even this conservative agrees with this article you are being unfair to Gronk by singling him out. Fact is because professional athletes make millions women are naturally attracted to them. Any pro baseball, football, and basketball player can tell you that. I am afraid you were unfair to Gronk and to this Patriots fan.
YGTBSM.
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I’ve also been berated for opening doors. Very heavy doors on windy days. I’ve picked up the tab for coffee on a long road trip and gotten tongue lashed. I took a girl out to dinner for a first date, and before ordering, she left the table for an old boyfriend who walked in. Next day she explained herself by saying that “Jeff” takes care of her “physical” needs. Some other women went who went out with me admitted it was only to make their boyfriends jealous. Although I didn’t deserve what I got from those women, I probably deserved it for the way I had treated other women. Karma. What goes around comes around.
I finally addressed my shortcomings and learned how to spot a good woman. Unfortunately, it was too late. Health problems made marriage and dating impossible, and I am permanently out of circulation.
The point I am making is that you never know how long you have to do anything in this life. Young men and women should think very seriously about what’s important in life.
There are some essential points here, but some are -essentially- meaningless. I would be inclined to think that a great deal of this blame should rest squarely on the shoulders of both genders.
Any “ism” is an unsubstantiated claim for futility and vanity. It is a directionless beast unleashed and more dangerous than any contemporary recognition of it as such. In the same, I should question anyone who should openly embrace anything without questioning it for themselves. You are both Diogenes AND Plato. “Alexander, step out of my sunshine!”
If you are a chauvinist or a feminist, get out of my light. We don’t need you.
So, where are “your men?” We are right here, asking the SAME question to you. ” Where have the LADIES” gone? No, i’m dead serious. I’ve seen a lot of fantastic women in relationships with abusive guys. On the flip side, I’ve seen a lot of great men in relationships with abusive women. I’ve been cheated on and stabbed in the chest no less than three times now. No really, look in the mirror women. You cannot desire of others what you desire of yourself. I spend a lot of time looking in the mirror and I do not like what I see.
Guess what?
You have to ‘be the change you want to see in the world’. Men are at fault, Women are at fault. We ARE ALL to blame. I mean this with the utmost sincerity. People these days are so quick to absolve themselves of blame its a wonder anyone has any sense of arete: “healthy pride” and is even able to get out of the bed each morning. ( This as opposed to hubris, which is essentially arrogance. )
If you’ll excuse me a moment i’m going to ascend a pulpit for a paragraph. Because you may not like what i’m about to say, be you a male or a female. If you doubt yourself and you doubt others though, you need to read it. If you think you’re too good to, then you obviously don’t need to read it and you can just skip over the following statement.
I am a young male who is Bipolar, Narcoleptic, and has disassociative PTSD. That doesn’t mean – anything – though. Nor does your 8-5 paying job. Nor does your car, your TV, or the collective opinions of our sexual identity egos. What means something is the COURAGE to go out and always seek to better yourself AND THOSE AROUND YOU. Educate yourself, mentally, spiritually, physically. Raise people up before you bring them down. Go out and do SOMETHING, even if its rolling a tub up and down a hill. My tub is the singlet i’ve been saving up for awhile to custom design for people with psychiatric illnesses. I’ll be running at the Soldier’s Marathon at Fort Benning November provided I haven’t torn my ankle up. It is also my participation with NAMI. I really need not go into any more personal details on the internet, so lets get back on track.
It is well and nice to have an opinion, but guess what? We all have them, and just likes “rear-ends” they all stink. That is why none of us are blameless. Lot of talkers, very few doers. No one wants to walk the talk. Everyone avoids eye-contact, everyone moves to opposite sides of the elevator, tables at restaurants fill up more quickly further apart than closer together. By everyone I mean men and women.
So, in rebuttal of the essence of this piece i’ll inquire all of you women out there. ” Where have all the ladies gone?” I know a few, but by far there are more worthless women out there than there ladies. In the same, there are also a lot of scumbag guys out there too.
Keep looking instead of offering inquiry into a state of being that has no substantiation. Meanwhile, unplug the computer and go outside and exercise or compose a symphony.
En-brevis: ” Ladies, you have some unrealistic expectations.” Guess what, we – males – do to. You know why? It’s human nature. Now, that being admitted. Do something about it.
YOU ARE RIGHT ON!.. MR. NYELOME……’SAD’… BUT SO VERY ‘TRUE’……HOWEVER,… I CAN ‘.HONESTLY’ WITH ‘CONFIDENCE’ FROM GOD ALMIGHTY….THAT I AM ‘ONE’ OF THOSE ‘LADIES’ WHO WALKS THE TALK….EVERY DAY!….THROUGH ‘WITNESSING’, CARING, WRITING WITH THE ‘SPIRIT’ OF OUR CREATOR…LEADING THE WAY! I AM HONORED TO BE A ‘BELIEVER’ IN THE ‘TRINITY’…WHO SUSTAINS ME IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES AND SITUATIONS,…THAT I FIND MYSELF INVOLVED! GOD DOES ‘BLESS’ HIS ‘FAITHFUL’ SERVANTS! PRAYERS ARE BEING ‘LIFTED UP’ FOR ALL WHO NEED TO BE ‘TRANSFORMED’…ENABLING THEM TO ‘LIVE’ THE ‘PURE’ LIFE THROUGH CHRIST! THANK YOU, JESUS!
Beautifully said, tragic, and true.
I was raised in a 2 parent home. My parent’s said to love yourself first. Because without it you can not have. Honor, Respect, Dignity, Integrity, Values, Morals, Good Character. And always to treat people that way that you want to be treated. All of my life I have used what my parent’s instilled in me. But was shot down for being weak. This has played a big role in trying to find my future wife. When I failed in my first marriage because of this. I got back up on the horse and kept trying over and over again. But after striking out 3, 583 times with women because of the way that I was raised. I was beginning to think that I was doing something wrong. I figured out that it wasn’t nothing wrong with me, it was everyone else. Now day’s women don’t want a good man who is into chivalry and want to treat them with respect. They rather have the other type who mistreat’s them. This is going on all around the world. No matter what you’re education, financial, employment status is. Things aren’t the same way as they were 20, 40, 60, 80, 100 years ago when men courted women. And married for (LOVE). And asked their father for their daughter’s hand in marriage. The opening doors, helping with their coats, walking on the right side of the sidewalk, giving her a manicure, pedicure, bubble bath, holding hands, paying the bill at the restaurant, help carring heavy packages and giving them compliments. Has all went out the window.
Good, God fearing men are a dying breed. But I will not let that stop me from being me. The weaker people become in this department, the stronger it makes me. Men want to be men. In the good way and not the bad way that you hear about on television, computer, tabloids. A lot of relationships, marriages break up and divorce because women don’t let their men be men. And trust them due to having went through bad relationships, marriages before they met them. I ok with the evolution of things. But this is becoming down right wrong and I don’t like it. All that I can do is continue to stay strong and hope that one day my dreams will come true before I die of old age.
God bless.
Respectfully….My thought is that you are being guided toward the ‘wrong women’…Your mind-set needs to be through God’s Spirit…allowing HIM to take ‘control’ of the situations in meeting ‘ladies’ that are pleasing in God’s site. HE is ‘ultimately’ the ONE you should keep your eyes on….Trusting HIS Knowledge of the ‘creation’, that HE ‘created’….to bring your ‘perfect’ mate in line with HIS WILL…..There are still women who have the characteristics and qualifications of a ‘pure’ spirit and mind….yearning for a ‘true’ gentleman to ‘breeze’ in their life! God has a ‘plan’ for your life…stay ‘strong’ in your beliefs ..’courting’ is coming back into ‘relationships’, that have ‘worthwhile ‘substance’…appreciated by many women, who desire to be ‘treated’ in the ‘way’ they should be, as well as, they are more than ‘happy’ to make the ‘gentleman’, feel, wanted!
****God will ‘bless’ your efforts of determination in ‘standing your ground’ against the ‘shallow’ actions of those who are not in the Lord!……………..In Christ,………..Karen Rose.
Karen I’m already married. The woman that I’m with is beautiful, sweet and everything I a man could want in his wife. Except her previous relationships are taking getting in the way of our marriage. I have told her over and over that I would not treat her like she was treated in her past relationships. But she still can’t get it out of her system. I’m a very, very patient man and hope that one day she will come around. I’m afraid if I get a divorce that I will be all by myself and lonely for the rest of my life. Due the way women are acting these days. And that’s something that I can’t bare to go through at this stage in my life.
I really get mad when I read about women not wanting a good man, and take him for granted when they get one. Because of the way they were treated in their previous relationships. Anyway thanks for your thoughts.
God bless.
Good Morning Dear Gentleman!
Do ‘hang in there’…going to God in ‘prayer’…..I am a ‘widow’, of the ‘finest’ Godly man, who never gave up….during ‘courting’ of the finest style…(called ‘dating’ at that time), we had broken up…I just wasn’t ready to get married, and he knew in his ‘heart’, that I was the ‘one’ for him! He drove after work every night to a ‘Catholic Church’ downtown…praying for hours that we would get back together! And he wasn’t even ‘Catholic’…but he really loved the ambiance of the inside…he felt the ‘presence’ of the Lord! I was the one who was ‘Catholic’, at that time…grew up..attending the schools! ****God opened the ‘doors’ for us…a friend had called me…wanted me to go with her to watch the ‘guys’ play football….she would be the only girl, ….with this, she talked me in to going! When I saw my husband, my ‘heart’ took a complete rebound…miraculously I knew then, I ‘loved’ him……. ****Our Creator is a ‘Miracle’ worker…Don’t ever allow ‘any human barriers’ get in the way of God’s Blessings…..HE can and will provide a way…where the human mind can’t even fathom! *****My ‘prayers’ will be with you…for determination, strength, and especially ‘obedience’, listening to God’s prompting for your thoughts, words, deeds! Be Blessed!…Karen Rose.
On Thu, Mar 28, 2013 at 1:12 AM, Acculturated
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it should be much more like where did all the good women go to today? very hard for us serious guys looking to meet a good woman these days.
So sorry to hear such ‘sad news’, on the women today, but there is ‘good’ in everyone…for God created each one of us…implanting HIS MARK on the ‘human spirit’…the ‘secret’ is to find that ‘part of perfection’ in the women by having ‘high standards’ yourself…being dedicated and never give up! It may take awhile, but I think you will see how the ‘women of today’ would change their attitude by ‘you’ following the ‘lead’ of your Creator, in thought, word, deed. Of course, this includes ‘all men’ looking for ‘decent’ women! **************Our God is a ‘Miracle Worker’…through our ‘prayers’ in asking and our ‘obedience’ to HIS WORD! HE can and will ‘turn the hearts of many’, as we have ‘faith’ and ‘trust’, without doubting….IN HIM!…………………….Be Blessed…..Karen Rose.
On Sun, Mar 31, 2013 at 6:25 PM, Acculturated
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it is much more like where have all the good women gone? , and it is very hard to find a good woman for us guys that are really looking. and today there are certainly many women with an ATTITUDE PROBLEM, and they are very hard to approach to start a normal conversation with. if only they can approach us for a change.
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