Thu. February 14
In Defense of Traditional Gender Roles
by Mark Tapson
Source: biography.com
In her Wall Street Journal piece “Where Have All the Good Men Gone?” and her book Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys, Kay Hymowitz gives voice to the complaint from “legions of frustrated young women” that today’s twenty-something men wallow in a sort of limbo of extended adolescence she calls “pre-adulthood.” She claims that guys (as distinct from “men”) in this state are clinging to adolescence while their female counterparts are achieving professional success and looking–in vain–for a comparably mature mate with whom to build a life.
This is a complaint that goes back at least as far as the 1983 pop psych book The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up, and is largely the result of the massive impact feminism has had–and continues to have–on relationships between American men and women (I say “American” because in my personal experience, which is admittedly not scientifically validated, neither feminism nor the Peter Pan syndrome are problematic relationship issues elsewhere in the world anywhere near like they are in this country–but that’s a topic for another time).
If I may paraphrase myself from a previous article on Acculturated called “Long Live Chivalry,” the blunt, relentless assault on traditional standards of manhood over the last five decades or so, and the near-obliteration of traditional gender roles, have left young men and young women equally resentful and polarized. “Men are confused about what’s expected of them,” Hymowitz says, and “don’t feel that they have a clear social role.” That’s because women have usurped those roles and been celebrated for it while men have been, at best, lectured about the need to reimagine masculinity, or, at worst, openly dismissed as no longer necessary and even becoming obsolete. For decades we’ve encouraged men to get in touch with their feminine side, and now many seem incapable of getting back in touch with their masculine side.
The good news for Hymowitz and those legions of desperate women is that the problem isn’t as dire as they believe. They may simply be looking for love in all the wrong places, because the men they want do exist. But good men of quiet confidence and maturity by definition don’t draw attention to themselves, so the search may be a little like finding Waldo in a crowd of males who feel emasculated, useless and defensive, and who respond by retreating into frat-boy man-caves and dragging out their “pre-adulthood.” Their immaturity is reflected in, and reinforced by, entertainment biz exemplars like Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell, in contrast with the iconic masculine confidence of the John Waynes and Clark Gables of eras past.
So what is to be done? Is this indeed the end of men? Will men ever be men again, in the positive, old-fashioned sense? Will women ever be able to find a real man to partner with instead of a “guy” to babysit?
They will be when our news media stop demonizing men and traditional values; when radical academics stop sowing division between the sexes; and when pop culture stops rewarding bad behavior and perpetuating tired old stereotypes like the Hapless Sitcom Dad. Men will be men again when both men and women understand that appreciating age-old gender differences is not a threat to gender equality; when we raise our boys to be responsible, respectful, honorable; and when we teach them to be as proud of their masculine nature as we teach our girls to be proud of their feminine one.
Mark Tapson, a Hollywood-based writer and screenwriter, is a Shillman Journalism Fellow at the David Horowitz Freedom Center. He focuses on the politics of popular culture.
Editor’s note: This piece is part of a symposium in which a variety of writers and thinkers weigh in on the question: “Can men be men again?” See earlier takes by Emily Esfahani Smith, Mark Judge, Ryan Duffy, R. J. Moeller, Ben Domenech, a second post by Emily Esfahani Smith, Abby Schachter, and Anthony Dent. All of the posts are compiled here.
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Our culture is notorious for societal changes via wide swinging pendulum – - I do so hope the pendulum regarding the gender identities settles down soon – - has knocked a lot of us for a loop during it’s wild swings!
I’ve got news for you cowboy. The boorishness, outrageous sense of entitlement, and rampant obesity of many American women have made them disgusting to us. Meanwhile, gynocentric innovations in the marriage contract have made it seriously unfair to men. And on top of that, the voting habits of single women show that they would rather marry the government anyway.
Maybe “good men” would step up if stepping up didn’t get us kneecapped by female supremacists on both sides of the political aisle. But given that society is wont to contort the very principles of logic and reason to indulge women, this will probably never happen.
The good men are leaving the plantation never to return.
If this is your thought on why “good men” are shying away from today’s women, count me out of your “good men” leaving the plantation. I rather belong to the “bad men” and stay to find love in an equal world whether she’s obese, entitled, and boorish. Why? Because when there is love, those traits that are believed to be negative won’t be directed at me, rather at the injustices of world. Men feel the pressure of equality then turn and run looking for place where they are the preferred gender again.
….sorry, weight just has nothing to do with the worth of person, nor their beauty.
Of course. He should be tall, handsome, wealthy, and keen on marriage whole simultaneously letting her behave however she wants. Right?
Precisely. A good woman for your “good man” should be submissive to his whim, void of vision. After all, he’s got the looks, the money, and gave her a family. he’s the catch, he should do what he wants.
“Good Woman” tend to my most comfortable accommodations: cook, clean, look at how pretty I am, look after the kids I’m going out tonight, look after the kids I got a game to watch, bring me beer before the game starts, I’m in lust do your duty, look at me how pretty, you can’t do that because I simply don’t want you to do that, the kid needs diapers drop what you have and hurry along before the kid disturbs me…
Yes, I rather a woman with vision to behave and fight as she deems appropriate for a society that will be equal to all. Even if she must fight her “good man” for the right to be treated as equal.
I’m hardly sure that the article speaks of infidelity, murder, addiction or the like… A good man is in attitude, not looks, possessions nor children fathered
“Why? Because when there is love, those traits that are believed to be negative won’t be directed at me, rather at the injustices of world.”
You’re in for a rude awakening if you think this. You’ll get the brunt of all of those traits before anyone else, simply because people are human and show moments of weakness. If the woman is good, she will realize her shortcomings and try and fight the urge to do so, but falling for someone because she has a biting wit, and somehow expecting her to never turn than wit on you in times of anger is unrealistic.
Be rudely awakened because I married someone wittier than me, and speaks her mind, proving to me that her position is indeed reasonable? I suppose my 10 year marriage wouldn’t have made it thus far if I feared a more successful, and smarter woman than me.
You’ve been married ten years, and she’s never turned her negative qualities on you in a fight? She’s always been right, rational, and smart? . Even the strengths and reasons you love a woman can be turned against you, let alone active bad qualities. Even a guy who is perfectly supplicating and adapting can be seen as a doormat by his love when in a bad mood.
I don’t agree entirely with TMG, but I just found that whole “she’ll only be mean to the outside world” incredibly unrealistic.
Yes, I can see how that sounds unrealistic. Yet, there is a difference between “mean to the outside world” and mean to a loving partner. In the outside world the fight is for social justice; in a relationship the fight is to improve us, or express displeasure. Where there is love a relationship can afford the crap thrown at one another, if there wasn’t any, it’d be different.
Everyone in a relationship should expect their partners’ voice to be heard regardless of how its done. There is always something to learn and grow from in an argument. I refuse to believe that we, men, are so weak that we must run away to a “manly” nook because our ladies are PMSing all over us? Speak up, challenge her views, and defend your position if on the right. Woman really are more understanding than men.
Had she used me as a doormat when in a bad mood, she wouldn’t be one of the “good women” for this “bad man”
“They may be looking at love in the wrong place, because the men they want do exist. But good men of quiet confidence and maturity by definition don’t draw attention to themselves” – perfectly phrased!
Wonderful response. I’ve read the articles you’ve pointed out… liked them as well, a lot. However, I left with puzzling thoughts. 1. Maybe the “good” men these women are after don’t really think they are “good” enough women for them after all, so they are stuck choosing from the crowd that they really do belong in. 2. As you mentioned, should gender difference be an attack on either gender. 3. Why is self worth based on on a career, or desire to have a family; and Why is it a better outlook on life than any other outlook? 4. Why does a man have to be into what a woman is into for them to have a long lasting loving relationship?
It leads me to think that they aren’t it for the love, but a set of preconceived notions of what a man should be doing for them…
I’ve always thought that a good person can cause another good person to modify behavior for the betterment of the couple. If one can’t do that, then perhaps one isn’t as “good” a catch as the material status alludes.
I’m confused why women are somehow to blame for this so-called “peter pan syndrome.” Why should their success in any way take away from the ability of men to take responsibility for their own actions? Women have traditionally worked much harder than men to excel professionally, and that is still the case today. For example, acceptance rates for women entering college are over 5% lower than they are for men, because so many more women are applying for college and institutions want their male-female ratios to be equal. Because the playing field is relatively more level than it has been in previous generations, women’s efforts are paying off more than they have in the past. Instead of stepping up to the plate and learning from their example, men are shrinking away and playing the victim. Again, their fault. Not ours. A workforce freely entered by both women and men means a larger and more diversified economy than one dominated only by men. Based on traditional economic models of comparative advantage, that means that everyone is better off. Wishing that the world could go back to a time when men only had to compete against each other for employment and the professional ambitions of half of the population were suppressed is both selfish and unrealistic. Do I wish that more men were mature enough to hold my attention? Sure. Would I give up my freedom to make that happen? Hell no. Thankfully, I live in a time where my future is not determined by whom (or whether) I marry.
There should be a “Like” button for responses in WordPress. Lovely response, and great outlook.
It’s more that manliness was about protecting your woman and providing for your family. It wasn’t particularly enjoyable in itself, but it gave men meaning and purpose to match the sacrifices they made. Unfortunately as women became equal and able to provide for themselves, that sense of need and duty lessened. Also, as marriage itself declined into more of a partner-based, at-will erotic contract, manliness did more.
I guess I’d compare it to being a soldier. When the war is going on, they act heroically. When they need to prepare for a war, they embrace their role. But when it is over, won’t they have to change their self-image some? The “war” for providing and taking care of women has ended, due to technology and other reasons. So what you are seeing is confusion and disengagement. You’re also seeing a lot of men happy they don’t need to get up at the crack of dawn to do review…i.e. being man-children.
So it’s rough. I don’t think women realized how much of men being men was due to as much external pressure as the old femininity was to them. That pressure was lifted, and men lost much of their drive. It’s ironic that such a good thing of making women equal had such an unexpected result.
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It will likely take a few more decades . . . or centuries . . . before the gender-role free-for-all we’re now going through settles down and both men and women settle into a more comfortable zone of being quite happy being male or female, and having some settled concept of what that means.
Part of the problem is that there are multiple levels in the roles men and women can take toward each other—and we now must choose among them instead of having a relatively fixed and rigid society choose those roles for us. For those interested, I look at this whole issue from a rather unorthodox Biblical perspective in my latest blog post:
“What are the Roles of Men and Women toward Each Other and in Society?”
http://leewoof.org/2013/02/14/what-are-the-roles-of-men-and-women-toward-each-other-and-in-society/
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” Their immaturity is reflected in, and reinforced by, entertainment biz exemplars like Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell, in contrast with the iconic masculine confidence of the John Waynes and Clark Gables of eras past.”
Why do you assume this is immaturity? It isn’t. It’s simply an indication of a rational mind. On one hand the stigma of out-of-wedlock children has almost completely disappeared. On the other, family law is a big machine designed to make it easy for a woman to divorce every part of a man except his paycheck.
Who in his right mind would get married? A few of them still do, but that’s more the result of the smoldering embers of a dying culture than a rational decision.
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“They will be when our news media stop demonizing men and traditional values; when radical academics stop sowing division between the sexes; and when pop culture stops rewarding bad behavior and perpetuating tired old stereotypes like the Hapless Sitcom Dad.”
I hope you’re not holding your breath. It’s going to be a long time before ANY of that happens.
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