Wed. February 13
Men and Manliness in the Age of Post-Feminism
This Valentine’s Day, we at Acculturated are asking our writers to weigh in on the state of relationships between men and women in our culture. Since we have spent a good deal of our time covering women on this site in the past–from Cosmo magazine to HBO’s “Girls” to feminism and the hookup culture–we are now turning to men. What’s going on with men and manliness today?
Kay Hymowitz, a sometime contributor to this blog, addressed this question in her book Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys, an excerpt of which appeared in the Wall Street Journal back in February 2011. There, Hymowitz argued that “too many men in their 20s are living in a new kind of extended adolescence.” She writes:
Not so long ago, the average American man in his 20s had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood: a high-school diploma, financial independence, marriage and children. Today, most men in their 20s hang out in a novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance. This “pre-adulthood” has much to recommend it, especially for the college-educated. But it’s time to state what has become obvious to legions of frustrated young women: It doesn’t bring out the best in men.
“We are sick of hooking up with guys,” writes the comedian Julie Klausner, author of a touchingly funny 2010 book, “I Don’t Care About Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters and Other Guys I’ve Dated.” What Ms. Klausner means by “guys” is males who are not boys or men but something in between. “Guys talk about ‘Star Wars’ like it’s not a movie made for people half their age; a guy’s idea of a perfect night is a hang around the PlayStation with his bandmates, or a trip to Vegas with his college friends. . . . They are more like the kids we babysat than the dads who drove us home.” One female reviewer of Ms. Kausner’s book wrote, “I had to stop several times while reading and think: Wait, did I date this same guy?”
For most of us, the cultural habitat of pre-adulthood no longer seems noteworthy. After all, popular culture has been crowded with pre-adults for almost two decades. Hollywood started the affair in the early 1990s with movies like “Singles,” “Reality Bites,” “Single White Female” and “Swingers.” Television soon deepened the relationship, giving us the agreeable company of Monica, Joey, Rachel and Ross; Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer; Carrie, Miranda, et al.
But for all its familiarity, pre-adulthood represents a momentous sociological development. It’s no exaggeration to say that having large numbers of single young men and women living independently, while also having enough disposable income to avoid ever messing up their kitchens, is something entirely new in human experience. Yes, at other points in Western history young people have waited well into their 20s to marry, and yes, office girls and bachelor lawyers have been working and finding amusement in cities for more than a century. But their numbers and their money supply were always relatively small. Today’s pre-adults are a different matter. They are a major demographic event.
What also makes pre-adulthood something new is its radical reversal of the sexual hierarchy. Among pre-adults, women are the first sex. They graduate from college in greater numbers (among Americans ages 25 to 34, 34% of women now have a bachelor’s degree but just 27% of men), and they have higher GPAs. As most professors tell it, they also have more confidence and drive. These strengths carry women through their 20s, when they are more likely than men to be in grad school and making strides in the workplace. In a number of cities, they are even out-earning their brothers and boyfriends.
Still, for these women, one key question won’t go away: Where have the good men gone?
Along similar lines, when will men start being men again? Can women help? What does manliness in the age of post-feminism look like? What role does chivalry play?
In the next week, our writers will weigh in on these questions and more. Stay tuned!
Editor’s note: This piece is part of a symposium in which a variety of writers and thinkers weigh in on the question: “Can men be men again?”
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I have been reading these takes on this subject, and I have a take that I don’t think I see mentioned too much.
All of these “what’s wrong with young men” issues boil down to these men not taking responsibilities. Avoiding responsibility of wife, children, homes, jobs, school work, and being a productive member of society. In general, people get more responsible when they get older. But it is also a learned behavior. One of the ways that previous generations learned responsibility was through larger families. Larger families provided opportunities for older children to take care of younger children and set examples, by learning sacrifice by having attention spread around to siblings, and so forth. I hear so many stories of young people moving back into their parents homes in their 20s, but I have never heared of a family where five children all moved back home.
You have to care about boys first. Do we give boys enough outlets for their energy in primary school? Nope. We drug them into submission. Do we force a curriculum on them that is comparable with their delayed brain development? Nope, they get language shoved down their throats from the beginning. Do we give them competitive sport options in their teens? nope, we limit it to the number of girls that want to do sports. Do we have laws conducive to employment for teenagers with no prior experience? No try to jack up the min. wage to $9, we suppress the interest rates and force people that should be retired but have a lifetime of experience to work in those min. wage and near min. wage jobs to supplement the 0.7% ROI their CoD’s are getting.
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Maybe I can explain what is wrong with men.
The women they have to choose from is what is wrong. Too fat, too obnoxious, too ugly, too drunk and slutty. Yes ladies if you behave like drunken sluts and fuck about no one will want to marry you.
Now you run along and have those careers, those taxes need paying, those cats will not feed themselves, but before you do I suggest we take a moment to thank feminists, once I would have had to support a wife for my entire life, now I don’t need to get married, don’t need to have kids, can spend the money I earn on me and enjoy myself.
Thanks feminists, this slave isn’t going back to the plantation now you have heard the biological clock ticking.
Too busy laughing.
There are many things that have cultivated the modern male. Why would a man cultivate a long term relationship when the risk associated with it is too much? Women initiate break-ups and divorces in alarmingly lopsided percentages. In the case of marriage, the man is risking half his assets, wage garnishment, and reduced access to his children. Family law is stacked against the modern man and only the young and/or foolish enter into such a lopsided agreement.
Modern culture derides and ridicules the modern man. Look at their portrayals in commercials and TV programming. Men are portrayed as irresponsible slugs, bumbling about in everyday life waiting on the gentle guiding wisdom of the woman in their life. While this does seem to accurately describe many modern men, there is a whole host of manly men who have unplugged from this insanity. Take a look around at how acceptable it is to put down men in our culture, while the same treatment of women is met with gasps of horror and scorn.
It’s no wonder men have recused themselves from this nonsense. Men 40 and over generally have more education, accomplishment, net worth, experience, or skill commensurate with what used to be considered “manly”. The younger generation of men are unaware of the depth of these men’s character and accomplishment which has enabled them to live for themselves, so they ape only what they can see and seem mystified at their inability to reproduce the result.
Ultimately, what really drives the gestalt of the modern American male is the modern American woman. Women have been told for a few generations now that they don’t need men. And while that may be true, neither do men need women. We’re simply reaping what has been sown.
yep
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Can men be men again? Of course.
When will men be men again? When they start getting rewarded rather than punished for it by women and society.
Seriously…. that’s what it all comes down to. When young desirable women start picking men over douchebags, more young boys will become men rather than douchebags. Until women change who they reward, you can forget about convincing boys to be something that doesn’t benefit them.
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“when will men start being men again”
Never. These men who aren’t “men” are the product of an unstoppable historical force – the progressive liberalization of society that has proceeded for centuries. There is no going back.
What constituted being a “man” was the willingness to be exploited: by society as a laborer, by the government as a soldier, and by women as a protector and provider.
You thought feminism was the last word on sexual liberation? It wasn’t. Men are finally acquiring true autonomy. They are realizing that they can cast aside the confining roles of laborer, soldier, and husband, and live the lives of their choosing.
Let’s see. Where have all the good men gone? Maybe they’ve gone to the same place all the good women have gone. It’s a place called marriage. Many women want “real men” without being women themselves. What on God’s green earth would a man see in so many woman these days? A good number of young women are arrogant, demanding, overbearing.
Let me ask a question. Boys were once taught how to treat girls. Some young men were even taught how to treat young women. Now…how many of you women were taught how to treat young men? How many of you had mothers who actually sat down and said, “This is the way to treat guys.” I’m betting very few of you.
It’s a two-way street.
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